彡 ) をダ TIME* VOL. 189 , NO. 15 ー 2017 0 The View Time Off The Features lraqis waitfor 和 od d ⅳ r 市砒 io March 29 ⅲ Mosul'sAqeedat neighborhood 2 ー Conversation 4 ー For the Record What tO watch, read, ロ The Battle for Mos 1 see and dO After six months offighting to 3 引 Margaret 、 retake lraq's second largest city, Atwood and the end is in sight Elisabeth Moss ByJaredMaIsin 18 discuss the TV adaptation of The Handmaid's Tale Dems Start Thinkin' 41 ー Monsters and About Tomorrow the IvyLeague lnside the gras sroots movement tO recruit new Democratic candidates 42 ー Dramatist JOhn for 2018 andbeyond Leguizamo ByAlexAltman 26 4 引 Taking on the government ln G e な辺 Life After Death ONTHE COVER: After losingherhusband, Faceb00k 4 引 JoeI Stein hacks A member oflraq's C00 SheryI Sandbergtalks frankly himself federalpolice takes about grief, death andvulnerability 0 、斤 0 日 i e position 48 け Questions for near 0 な ai れ station By BelindaLuscombe 32 abortion provider in southwest Mosul 0 れ A 司 4. Dr. Willie Parker Ph0tograph Emanuele S 砒 0 forTIME TlMEAS1a is pubIishedbYTlMEAsia(Hong Kong) Limited. TlMEPUbliShes ejghtdoub に i 、 00 、 Each 00 00M0 0f52 i ~ 、 0 00 00000 ub npti . 第 MEm 0 0 publish ー 00 00 引 0 0 00 02017Ti00 A 0 (HongKong) 凵 ed. 則ⅱ 0 0 . Re 面、 ctior 、 i00h0 に 0i0 代 0 曲 0 は 00 rmi ー i00 *. TIME 0 面物 0 Red 0d00D00g0 000 pro 、 " ted 物 0 0d0000k 00g な ati in 物 0 U. s. 0 面 in 物 00000 ⅵ 0 0h000 引 ME 0g0 " 00 朝 000 ね 0 00 ー 0 ~ 0 代 Bu ~ 000f Circu 師、一・ lfthe 0 00i0 " 0 に代 0 hat 00 0g0 " 0 00d0 、ⅳ 000d0 , " h " 000 曲 000b 、 ig0000 000 " 0 " 0 ⅳ 00 0 ~ 、 0d0dd00 、 0 曲 000Y000 ・ CUSTOM SE 0 AND 00 円 0 ~ , 四〃 0 0 , 00 " , 、一一一凵面 00 0 " , " 、 istt 0 ・〃・、、 ,. 面 , 。 " 。 0 / ~ ・ ~ 軸 0 ・、 0 0 0 、、 0 00 、 00 00 。 0 。 00 。、 0 。 00 ~ 、 0000 0 、。。 00-00 。 0-0 。。 , 00 0 但 0 00 、 0 ~ 00 " ~ 0 、。 ~ 0 但 0 。 g 0 。。 0 , 0 〃 F' 0 、 0 , 0 … 0 , 、 0 ……… 0 , 00 0 0 , 80000 川 0 ~ 00 、 000 0 , 00000 , 0 。 0 。・ , ・司。 000 。 " 0 。。 , 00000000000 ~ 00 ・ ) 。 0 、、 00 0 0 00 、。 , 0 。、 00000 00 ・・。 00 " 00 。。。 00 0 。、 ~ 。 00 。 0 ~ = ldeas, opinion, innovations TheBrief 15 ー A case for News from the し S. and umversal basic around the world mcome 引 The Trump- putin honeymoon 1 引 A new is over. WhereU. S. - contender for Russia relations go Disney's live-actlon from here bOX 0 ice Crown 引 A guide t0 1 引 The flip side factions inside the ofbillionaires' White House philanthropy ユ幻 patton Oswalt 1 引 ln MiIan, see remembers Don what's in store RickIes for the future of furniture 1 Egyptians mourn victims Of ユ引 Why Easter has 2 m sunday blasts eggs ユ引 Behind United 、 Airlines' crisis: should overbooking be illegal? Photograph Emanuele S 砒 0 Ⅲ和 r TIME 1

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工 6e 伏 Teachecl Last year, sam was t00 sick tO dream. ー He has primary lmmunodeficiency or Pl. Thanks to the Jeffrey M0dell Foundation, he has been properly diagnosed and treated. Now he's head of the class. h ln Jeffrey ModeII ド 00nd0 on children reach for their dreams inf04pi.org & c 。訐 fhe Je4frey 从。 F ~ 品 0 工 have

AUTOS Tesla's electric s oc Tesla, based in Palo A に 0 , Calif. , is 14 years 0 , Offers justthree models and sells fewer cars annuallythan Ford sells hatchbacks. Yet on ApriI 10 , its market value reached $ 51.5 billion, surpassing GM'S. HOW can TesIa stay at cruising speed? Milestones WON A first major tournament (finally) for Sergio Garcia SERGIO GARCfA IS A rarity among the world's best golfers: he's been so good, for so long, that fans know him by a single name —yet entering this year's Masters, he had never won a major tournament. That drought, spanning 73 career StartS, ended on April 9 in an unfo rgettable fashion. After trading shots With Justin Rose across "Some people s れ things—butl say thingsfunny," Rickles said ofhimself the storied back nine at Augusta National, Don Rickles Garcfa, 37 , had a chance tO clinch the Comedian title with a putt on 18. By Patton OswaIt He missed it, sending the pair tO a one-hole playo 圧 This time THE BUTT OF EVERY DON RICKLES INSULT—WHETHER Garcfa was as good as it was initially aimed at a "blaclg ” a "P01aclO ” a "Jew; ” a gold, sinking a birdie gypsy; ” "elderly; ” 'gay ” or "Martian ”—was Rickles himself. putt that caused the A lOt ofthe words I listed are "problematic ” or "insensitive. ” staid crowd tO erupt in They're crude and belong t0 an era when things were easy shouts Of "Ser-gee-0h! for a small slice ofa small slice ofthe American public. The Ser-gee-oh! ” casual racism tossed Offas punch lines and the exclusion lt was a moment Of disguised as insight can be wince-inducing. redemption for Garcfa, Don Rickles was above and beyond it all—all ofit, the whO se reputation has incorrectness ofyesterday as well as today's hand-wringing about it. Don wasn't making fun 0f "the blacks ”—he was been dogged by his inability tO win the making んⅡ of the sweaty lout who would place African Americans in such a childish category. Whether his audi- big one. Consider that dragon slain. ence was "laughing for the right reasons ” wasn't his con- cern. If the audience was tOO stupid tO see that Don was —SEAN GREGORY making fun ofracism by personifying the most desperate aspects 0f racism? Then they were part 0fthe j0ke t00. Sometimes the things Don said weren't even jOkes— they weren't even nonsense. They were bursts Ofhalf worked-out id. The last time I saw him was when J0hn Lasseter got his star on the H011ywood Walk 0f Fame a few years ago. Don grimaced and addressed Lasseter and the Other celebrities in the crowd: "I see l'm the biggest name here. ” lt was hilarious. And it was true. Rude, but true. Oswalt iS a comedian, writer and actor MAINTAIN ITS STORY TesIa's rally is irrational. lnvestors don't care that in 2016 it SO 76 , 230 cars globally, compared with GM's 10.3 million. Orthat it maylose close tO $ 1 billion this year. They have faith in the story CEO 日 on Musk has been telling about one day dominatingthe market for electric power. DIED MAKEGOODON MODEL3 The new Model 3 is Tesla's first mass-market car. The sedan, like its predecessors, is sleek, fast and all electric. But its price starts atjust $ 35 , 000. NOW the firm has tO ramp up production— a stumbling block in the past—if it wants tO meet its 2018 go 引 Of building 500 , 000 vehicles a year. V コの 3 ト【ÅI 一 OBV コ OS - のコ山 00W 一の 39Vl-N 一 A トト 39 】のコ ~ dV ー・コ 001S 【 50UV9 一の一 A11 田 9 、 09N ー 1 コく 8 8d3 工】の山 1M0 一 & V 、 NO 一 IV IS 一 N 一 'NOV コ V ト S く 00 NV 一 93M ON 、トト山工 ONS 【ト一 9 一 0 MANAGE GROWTH LastyearTesla acquired SolarCity, an installer Of r00 れ op solar panels, for $ 2 billion. Tesla aims tO become a one-stop shop for consumers WhO want tO become energy-independent. But if the unit begins tO IOOk like a sideshow, investors could waver on Musk's vision. —Matt Ve 〃 a 11

TheView finding pilot then known as the New Jersey Gradu- ated Work lncentive Experiment were named Dick Cheney and DonaId RumsfeId. ) Today, thinkers on the le 代 see the UBI as a way to combat poverty and inequality as well as a potential palliative t0 the disruptions t0 workers caused by technology. To the right, the ide a is an attractively simple alterna- tive tO bloated social-welfare regimes. Critics come from all sides too: they say the UBI is just a decoy tO starve government assistance that bOOSts universal child care or free college tuition. Or it's one more misguided program bound to result in eliminating work incentives, rendering large numbers ofpeople dependent on the government. MOSt UBI skeptics, and some proponents, sooner or later come tO the conclusion that the costs would be absurdly prohibitive ⅲ any case. One critic puts the figure ⅲ the U. S. at $ 3 trillion annually. Still, the idea is increasingly being put into real- world trials. Early this year, Finland became the first European country to pay unemployed citizens an unconditional monthly sum. The two-year national pilot program, gives 2 , 000 unemployed Finns ages 25 to 58 a guaranteed 0560 (around $ 590 ) , money that would keep coming even ifthey find work. The country's social-security agency says the test is intended tO cut red tape, alleviate poverty and, especially, reduce unemployment. lts existing system can disincentivize taking work because even IOW earnings prompt a cut in benefits. The Finns aren't alone: similar experiments are moving forward in Canada, the Netherlands and ltaly. The lndian governme nt appears t0 be mulling a small UBI as a strategy t0 cut the country's most extreme poverty. These tests are badly needed. Despite its age, the UBI has been studied only sparingly and inconclusively. Perhaps it should be no surprise then that putting it in beta has gained backers in SiIicon VaIIey. Y Combinator, a startup incubator, is trying it with 100 families in Oakland, Calif., this year, paymg eachbetween $ 1 , 000 and $ 2 , 000 a month. Tech's big thinkers, like BilI Gates and EIon Musk, have concluded a UBI is likely inevitable. They—like many in academia, finance and labor— see a great wave ofjob-destroying robots and artificial intelligence on the horizon. Anxieties, like dreams, Often tell us more about the shape of the present than the way things are likely to turn out in the future. That i s almost certainly the case when it comes tO J0b-razing technology—especially ifthe hyperbolic gloom that accompanied Ford's assembly line or the IBM mainframe are any p recurso r. Eve n S O, the result has been a new push for concrete answers. And the difference between a solution and a thought experiment, even a beguiling and storied one, is going t0 be in the data. 16 TIME April 24 , 2017 ロ DIGITS $ 983 MILLION Disney's Beautyand the Beast has earned nearly $ 1 billion worldwide at the bOX office since itS March 17 opening; it could soon dethrone Alice in Wonderland ( 2010 ) asthe company's top-grossing live-action remake CHARTOON BOOK IN BRIEF The pitfalls 0f giving it all away ARE BILLIONAIRE PHILANTHROPISTS uniquely good for society? N0t always, writes David Callahan in The Givers. The author argues that while the decision tO spend massive amounts Of money on causes ranging from curing disease tO remaking public education may seem wholly positive, mega- foundations with recognizable names can have undemocratic effects. "lfyou don't favor same-sex marrlage or charter schools or shutting down coal plants; ” he T H E G Ⅳ E R S . ・・ CALLAHAN OAVID 0 乢 0 「 0 AGC writes, you might を。△ not be too thrilled with hOW some billionaires have been deploying their money—subsidized, I should add, by your own tax dollars; ” since donations even tO foundations that specifically work to shape policy are often deductible. At issue for Callahan is not so much the impulse tO give but outdated government incentives tO miX giving With advocacy. This amounts, he says, to the wealthiest people havmg a louder voice than ordinary citizens. —SARAH BEGLEY Denial flowchart 0 」 0 H N AT K ー N S 0 N , W R 0 N G H A N D S 0 ト月用石月曜 Hands

7 Questions Dr. Wi11ie Parker He grew up Christian ⅲ Alabama and became a doctor at the suggestion Of a college mentor. ln Life's Ⅳ or た , he explains why he's now an abortion provider that out Ofa sense ofcommitment tO When yo 収 first became an ob-gyn the background from which I came, ifl YO did not perform abortions couldn't make women in the South—a because YO 設 felt it conflicted with disproportionate number ofwhom your Christian prmciples. What are poor and ofcolor, which is my changed? l've been a Christian longer background—ifl couldn't make those than l've been a physician. When I chose women a priority, WhO would? a career as a women's health provider, I had t0 think more seriously, more deeply about the fact that I see women on a Abortion providers have been the regular basis who have unplanned and targets Of violence, yet YO don't unwanted pregnancies. The compassion have a bodyguard and don't wear a that welled up inside me for each bulletproof vest. DO yo fear for your life? lfl succumb to an anxiety that woman—each woman had a story, a leaves me more preoccupied with what circumstance—it came tO a POint Where can happen t0 me than the good I can increasingly it was uncomfortable tO be do, that's already a form of death. saymg no. What I believed and what I practiced began tO come intO conflict. Are women's reproductive rights HOW did yo 設 reconcile your more vulnerable now than they were before 飛 oe 仇 Wade? ln my opinion religious beliefs with your sense 0f professional obligation? My epiphany there hasn't been a day since Roe v. Wade became legal in 1973 that women came while listening tO a sermon by haven't had tO fight tO maintain access Dr. Martin Luther King. ln that sermon he described what made the Good tO this very important service. oe has been in place for 44 years, but never has Samaritan good. Someone had been robbed, le 仕 on the side ofthe road it been more vulnerable. injured, and multiple people passed that person by. They all were afraid ofwhat What will happen ifRoeis over- turned? IfRoe were tO be overturned, might h 叩 pen t0 them if they stopped t0 abortion would not become illegal in help. A person not 仕 om the community this country. But itwould go back t0 pre- described as the Samaritan stopped 1973 , when we had states like NewYork, and provided aid. Dr. King said what made that person good was his ability t0 California, Hawaii and several others reverse the question ofconcern, tO ask that legalized abortion before what will h 叩 pen to this person ifl don't the oe decision. Women stop t0 help. would have their reproductive On that particular day, while listening rights determined by their zip code. The real peril is that if tO that sermon and contemplating my role as a women's health provider, it states are left tO their own became very personal for me. I became mechanisms, in most states the person on the road having t0 respond women would lose access tO the need ofanother person—in this tO abortion services. case women asking me tO help them safely end their pregnancies. Are YO hopeful about the future Of women's Why did yo 収 decide tO provide reproductive rights? abortions ⅲ the South? When lleft If I were not hopeful Alabama at the age of 18 , I was ofthe for the future, I would mind-set that Alabama is a better place not get out ofbed every tO be from than tO be in. But increasingly day. I really believe that with my skill in abortions came the hopelessness and despair awareness Ofthe degree tO which access will become a self-fulfilling tO abortion care is limited. I decided prophesy. —ALICE PARK 48 TIME April 24 , 2017 'There hasn't been a day since Roe し Wade became legal in 1973 that women haven't had tO fight tO maintain access tO thiS very important service [of abortion]. ' 0

Time Off B 00 s COLLEGE Class dismissed By SamueI P. Jacobs DENISE IS SET ON ATTENDING A TOP MEDICAL school. Michelle heads offto ajazz conservatory. Olivia wants tO make a documentary 61m. Alex sets up a coding business with her brother. Finally, there's Caroline, whO wants tO be a writer. The five members ofPrinceton's class Of2014 appear ⅲ Caroline Kitchener's carefully reported, empathetic Post Grad, the late st b00k depicting real life after the world ofprivilege at one of America's top colleges. Each one struggles. "The first year out ofcollege is a hard year; ” Kitchener writes. "For me it was the hardest year. ” Three ofthem seek out therapy or counseling. The fourth searches for a church. The 6 仕 h tries everything from Buddhism to hallucinogens to polyamory. Stripped 0f the comfort 0f college, they are hungry t0 b e known and t0 know who they are. They explore an unstable terrain Of anxiety, status, competition and shifting identity, making POSt Grad a reported counterpart tO the post- Stanford world that Tony TuIathimutte sent up in last year's excellent novel Private Citizens. As Kitchener's subjects begin their careers, they find themselves most tested in their personal lives. She positions her bOOk at the center Of a disturb ing reality : women today graduate 仕 om college outperforming their male peers, and yet by the end of their first year in the workforce, they earn less. ln college, Kitchener revolted at the advice Of Susan Patton, the infamous "Princeton or れ” whO urged undergraduate women tO make a search for a husband their first priority. A year removed from schOOl, Kitchener is surprised tO find herself subject to the gravitational pull of Patton's retrograde warning. "Again and again, we had t0 make choices between professional and personal advancement and a relationship; ” she writes. surprised me was hOW much we wanted tO choose the relationship. With Monsters 可市 e 1 リ League, Steve Radlauer and EIIis Weiner have written a listicle disguised as a book, the sort ofthing you might give t0 Kitchener as a joke. The former Spy magazine staffers have yoked together 85 brief portraits 0f lvy Leaguers they hate, forming an alternative history 0f sch001s famous for producing masters Ofthe universe. They name names and crate their monsters ⅲ 40 boxes (labeled everything from "anti-Semite ” tO ' wimp ' ). This genus of ne'er-do-wells can be further classified by species the authors can't stand: liars, criminals, slaveholders, eugenicists and Republicans. Unfortunately, even the authors seem tO tire Of PA レ POS し久「 4 their picaresque before it finds its final destination. ("With Benjamin Wadsworth, we reach the Ws in our alphabetical listing. The end is ⅲ sight—only seven monsters tO go after this one. ” ) Monsters manages one good deed at least, exploring the many relationships between these Northern institutions and the S outhern institution of slavery, something that, as President Trump (Penn ' 68 ) might say, is getting recognized more and more tOday. But what Monsters gets wrong is the idea that graduates ofthese schools A LEAGUE OF would rather not discuss their wayward former THEIR OWN Monsters and classmates. "NO one, during a Whiffenpoof concert Post Grad both or at halftime 0fthe COIumbia-Brown game, describe the lives reminisces about sociopathic alumni; ” they write. Of graduates from On the contrary! As someone whO went tO eight Of the most college outside 0fBoston, I know that the only praised—and piIIoried—American thing an lvy League postgrad likes t0 talk about universities more than where he went t0 college is a fellow graduate whO, after four years on campus , has turned out tO be something Of a monster. LEAGUE ロ 41

ー H E G 0 N M E N CA M E ー N ー H E A FT E R N 0 0 2. Wearing the drab and baggy uniform of the lslamic State, they arrived at the door of Bashar Abu Ali's home ⅲ west- ern Mosul tO commandeer it as a sniper's nest. There were seven or eight Of the militants, all lraqis. They used an up- stairs bedroom tO shOOt intO the broad road outside. ln those days in late February and early March, the lslamic State was fall- ing back quickly. The lraqi military swept into the city, backed by ferocious Ameri- can airstrike s and artillery. The militants had already lost the eastern halfofthe city and were now scrambling tO mount a de- fense ofthe west side. That meant seizing some vehicles tO make car bombs, setting fire tO others tO create smoke screens and taking over hundreds Of civilian houses like Abu Ali's, militarizing both the urban and the suburban landscapes ofthe city. Then the battle began. For 11 days, the 43-year-01d coffee-shop manager cow- ered with his family in terror in down- stairs rooms while the ISIS fighters held the high ground, taking shifts shooting at the top Of the stairs. American and lraqi warplanes rained bombs around them. "I was 90 tO 95 % sure we were going tO die there,: ” said Abu Ali. There was no thought 0f leaving. Better tO die in your own home, he thought. When the lraqi military and police arrived ⅲ their neighborhood, the gunmen fled in a panic. What they left was a landsc 叩 e ofbombed-out buildings and twisted metal, the burnt skeletons Ofcars and trucks flung aside by massive explosions. There iS no electricity, no running water and few shops selling food. A defused car bomb in a narrow street 100kS like a battle wagon from Mad Max, AFTER SIX MONTHS Of fighting, the end onstrated less the military might 0f the steel plates where the windshield and insurgents than the hollowness 0f lraq's is ⅲ sight in the battle for Mosul—a vic- sovereignty under a government ruled hood should be. "DO you want to see the tory that, when it comes, will mark a on sectarian lines: many SunniS in lraq's body?" a resident asks, and leads the way turning point in the broader war against north and west preferred sunni militants tO the corpse Of a "Russian"—shorthand the lslamic State. lraq's second city has used for foreign fighters from former embodied the group's claim that it was over a Baghdad government responsive Soviet nations, wh0 spoke Arabic poorly. in fact building a state—and a warning only t0 lraq's Shi'ite majority. But ISIS has now been ousted from Killed at least two weeks earlier, his burnt that lraq might not be one much longer ・ more than half the city by a massive body still lies in the street, one charred When the city of 2 million fell to ISIS ⅲ June 2014 , it t00k only hours and dem- force marshaled against it: 100 , 000 arm protruding from under a blanket. 20 TIME April 24 , 2017

disgraceful has happened. People avoid them, don't invite them out, fall silent when they enter the room. The grieving are Often isolated when they most need community. That's a problem that Sandberg, now 47 , can workwith. The woman wh0 urged the world tO lean in is now undertaking a campaign t0 help people push on, t0 bounce back from horrible misfortune. Her newest book, 0 tio B: Facing Adversity, BuildingResilience, 0 れ d Finding JO. ツ , iS a primer for those WhO are bereaved, t0 help them recover and find happiness. But it's also a guide for the unscathed on how to help people "lean in to the suck,: ” as Sandberg's rabbi puts it. She wrote the book with her friend and collaborator Adam Grant, a psychologist and the author ofthe best sellers Originals and Give 0 れ d Ta た e. Like も ea れ加 , 0 を tio れ B comes with a nonprofit launched by the SheryI Sandberg & Dave GoIdberg Family Foundation. The organization aims tO "change the conversation around adversity," Sandberg's representatives say. If that seems vague, recall that nobody really knewwhat the Lean ln Circles were supposed tO dO either—but there are now 30 , 000 Of them in 150 countries. Some might argue that Sandberg is the wrong te acher for a course in hard knocks. After all, her life, from the outside, seems a mind-bogglingly privileged existence among brainiac titans. She's a billionaire ⅲ no danger oflosing her job, no matter how much time she takes 0 圧 She can afford round-the-clock therapy, and her network can put her ⅲ touchwith anyone. Sandberg is well aware of her advantages. (And in case she needed a reminder, just last month, author Camille Paglia called her "insufferably smug and entitled. ” ) But she has deployed a disadvantage as her ultimate asset: vulnerability. ln June 2015 , a month into her widowhood, after a particularly lousy day, Sandberg posted on Facebook the social-media equivalent of Edvard Munch's Scream. "I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a ChOice; ” She wrote. "You can glve in tO the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs , constricts your ability t0 think or even breathe. Or you can try t0 find meaning. These past 30 days, I have spent many 0f my moments lost in that void. ” Suddenly, Superwoman became very human. 34 TIME April 24 , 2017 Except because she is the kind ofper- son who always has at hand a Ziploc bag filled with exactly the right number of macadamia nuts, Sandberg's howl intO the void came with helpful tips. Don't avoid the heartbroken (except when they obviously want t0 be avoided). Don't tell them that everything will be 0. K. be- cause, well, how would you know? And don't ask the bereaved how they are. ln- stead ask them how they are 市砒 day. NONE OF THE ADVICE in the post or ⅲ the book is particularly new. Grief is not a novel problem. But not very many folks with Sandberg's platform and pain have talked about it, with the intent of starting a movement. "She was able tO find some gratitude," says Grant, "and really think about how she could share the experience she had in a way that would help other people. ” Sandberg's 2015 post has now drawn almost 75 , 000 comments, including ones from Facebook employees who didn't know hOW tO react tO their famous boss, whO occasionally broke down in tears in a meeting—which, as Sandberg writes, is not the kind of disruption SiIicon VaIIey is looking for. "I think a lot ofpeople wanted t0 reach out to her, but they didn't know how," says Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. "You know, there's this whole question of, Are you reopening a wound or something? And 0f course, what she would say is not reopening the wound. 1 1 e an, it's, like, open and gaping ・ A month before G01dberg died, Tracy Zamot, a music publicist in NewYork, also lost her husband suddenly, of a pulmonary embolism. She says Sandberg's post had THE BEREAVED ARE OFTEN TREATED LIKE THOSE TO WHOM SOMETHING UNNATURAL OR DISGRACEFUL HAS HAPPENED a real effect on the way people talked to her. "The minute she wrote, 'HOW are you today?' people started asking me that; ” she says, which made answering the question much easier. "I didn't feel like I was going to explode into a ball of flames every time I had tO answer. ” Sandberg claims that she shared her feelings 0 Ⅱ impulse, but the response pushed her t0 action. "I got SO much Of this wrong, so much of this wrong; ” she says in her glass-walled conference room, which is identified by a small plaque near the door that reads, ONLY GOOD NEWS. To Grant, a Wharton SchooI profes- sor, Sandberg has made a contribution not just t0 self-help but also t0 leader- ship. "I would like more leaders to real- ize what Sheryl did through living it; ” he says. "Expressing emotion When you ve gone through extreme pain is not we ak- ness. lt is humanity. ln the weeks after GoIdberg died, even before she posted on Facebook, Sandberg had been codifying her agony in a jour- nal and sharing it with a few close confi- dantes. "I wrote and I wrote and I wrote; ” she says. Keeping a journal is one of the activities She recommends tO ease the grieving process. "Literally all I did was my kids, come to work and write. ” The 100 , 000- plus words she eventually wrote were a big part 0f her recovery and be- came the spine ofher b00k. What Sandberg learned, with the help Of Grant, was that there are three myths people cling t0 that make it harder t0 spring back from adversity. The first is that they're somehow responsible for what h 叩 pened to them. The second is that sadness must carpet their lives from wall to wall. And the third is that they will never feel any better. Ever the communi- cator, Sandberg calls these mistakes the threep's: thinking about adversity as per- sonal, pervasive and permanent. The lessons, which she says she wishes she knew when her first marriage ended in divorce, didn't come easily. Grant tOld Sandberg she had to ban the word sor . "Sheryllikes to ban things that are not productive, like #banbossy,: ” he says, citing Sandberg's campaign t0 stop using a word about girls that is never used tO describe boys. "There's no more effective way tO argue with someone whO's strong- willed than tO turn their own words around on them.