TRYING TO BE POLITE always mixing up "borrow" and "rent. " But Linda's father couldn't pass up an opportu- nity for a joke. SO he replied: "Sure. lt costs five dollars for the first minute, and one dollar for each additional minute. There's a time clock next tO the tOilet. Make sure tO get a receipt when you're done. Kaori was speechless. She had never heard 0f anyone charging money like that for a toilet! She didn't know what to do. She looked at Linda's dad. Then she looked at Linda. lhen Linda said: "Come on dad, that is so not funny!" Linda's father had been keeping a straight face. But now he broke into laughter. "Sorry! I couldn't resist. Yes, Kaori, dear, you may use the tOilet. You don't need tO ask. Next time, please just get up and go. We're very laidback around here," he said. 91

GRAMMAR GAFFS So he said: “Ⅳ 0. ' "No! What do you mean 'no'?" Angela screamed. Oh no, I must have said something wrong... thought Atsushi. Yes, he did! The correct answer iS yes. When faced with one of these questions, ignore the "don't you think" part. If you agree with the statement— in this case 。 Angela is cuter" ー then answer yes. " lfyou don't agree with the statement, then answer no. But it is confusing, don't you think? And that's not all. Let's see what happened tO Atsushi next. Atsushi and Angela had plans to go to the beach. (Fortunately, Angela had forgiven Atsushi for his mistake at the barbeque). Some of Angela's friends were renting a beach house for the summer. They invited Angela and Atsushi t0 visit for the weekend. Angela and Atsushi made plans for the weekend over the phone. Or rather, Angela told Atsushi the plan. 49

GRAMMAR GAFFS “れ cancels the lesson. lhis made Trisha laugh. After all, "it" is used only for non-living things! For example: furniture, the weather, or traffic. Even though, non-living things may be the cause —bad weather, for example ー only a person can cancel a lesson. ne correct English is: "I have to cancel the lesson. " Or more politely: "l'm sorry, but I have to cancel the lesson. ere S another example Of a pronoun problem that caused a serious prob- lem. Ryusuke was in hiS third year Of university. He was spending a year abroad studying at a university in America. He felt very free in America. ln particular, 59

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY up the word she wanted. "How about this word, 'handmade'?" Megumi said. "Ah, handmade, yes. Like your husband makes furniture? ” asked Laura. "Yes, that's it. He made a bookshelf. I painted it," said Megumi. "ln English, we call that DIY. lhat's short for do-it-yourself," Laura explained. 'We say that t00 ⅲ Japanese. But that is for fixing things? N0t making things?" Megumi asked. "You can say it for making things, too. Or you can say, 'my husband enjoys making things. ' Or:'my husband's hobby is carpen- try, " explained Laura. Laura breathed a deep sigh of relief. Fortunately nobody asked her to explain 'hand job!' Quickly, she changed the subj ect. Turning tO another student, Laura asked: "SO Miho, how was your weekend?" 80

n our next story, Kimiko uses the wrong verb form. As a result, her sentence takes on a completely different meaning! Kimiko worked for a Tokyo public relations company. Her company Often promoted events. Sometimes, the events would include celebrities visiting from overseas. Kimiko spoke pretty good English. SO, it was her job tO take care Of these foreign stars. This may sound like glamorous work! But in reality, it was very stressful. Sometimes, the foreign celebrities would behave badly. lhey would go out drinking and stay out late. They would be too tired the next day for the event. Or they would have a hangover. Sometimes they would disappear and Kimiko would have to go searching for them. "lhis was the worst! One time, there was a celebrity whO acted 66

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY a school club, the volleyball club. One day her teammates invited her tO a party. lhey t01d her: the party will be in a restaurant. u-he cost is four thousand yen per person. cost includes f00d and drink. Kristen thought about it. She really wanted t0 go t0 the party. She loved parties! But the price was a little tOO expensive for her. TOkyo was SO expensive! lt was Kristen's only complaint about the city. SO she told her friends: "l'm sorry. The party iS tOO expensive for me. But her friends wouldn't take no for an answer. "lhey tried tO convince her tO change her mind. "I know it is expensive. But there's going to be a viking!" said one ofher friends. Now Kristen was interested. A viking? Like a real live viking? Did they even still exist? Why would there be a viking at a party? Or maybe he was like a clown—・ a man dressed up as a viking. Maybe Japanese people had vikings at parties, instead Of clowns. 36

TRANSLATION TROUBLES Shinjuku," Kenichi said. Kristen frowned. "N0t play. ' lt is better use 'hang out. ' 'Play' is for kids. Or for something else," said Kristen. "Something else?" wondered Kenichi. But before he had a chance to ask, Kristen's stop came and she got out Of the elevator. "Have a good week," she called over her shoulder. ike any language, English has words with double meanings : the ordinary meaning and the sexual one. problem is, in school, students only learn the first meaning. HOW d0 you learn the second meaning? Only by experience! Which is exactly what happened tO Shiori in our next story. 75

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY Laura couldn't help laughing! She imag- ined Hitomi's two young kids with their feet buried ⅲ the dirt. want tO raise my children in the countryside.'Grow' is for plants. Like,'I grow tomatoes in my backyard, ' " Laura explained. "But, you say 'I grew up in Tokyo,' right?" asked Hitomi, looking confused. "That's right. English is んⅡ of quirks," said Laura. aura is right : English is full of quirks. Kenichi learned this the hard way. Read on, tO learn from his mistakes . Kenichi was a normal Japanese company man. He worked for a typicalJapanese com- pany. Except that his company had a number Of foreign employees, too. SO sometimes he

nglish is supposed t0 be straightforward and frank. But still, there is plenty 0f room for confusion. Take negative questions for example. Like these: "SO you're not hungry?" Or: "Are you sure you re not tired?" And: "Don't you want something to drink?" "lhese questions are like a logic puzzle. Except that the correct answer isn't logical. The correct answers tO the question, "SO you re not hungry?" are: "NO, l'm not" ()f you are indeed not hungry). And "Yes, I am" ()f you are actually hungry). lhink that's difficult? Take a look at this situation in which Atsushi found himself. Atsushi was a young company employee. 46

instead 0f 、、 yes. " For example: 'SO you understand the assignment, Ryusuke?" asked the professor. 。 4 , " said Ryusuke. Or: "Are you enjoying the class?" “阨 4 ん '