TRANSLATION TROUBLES would have to speak EngIish. One day, he rode the elevator with an American employee, SCOtt. "Hey Kenichi, how's it going?" Scott asked. "Okay. You?" replied Kenichi. He had this part Of the conversation down perfect! 、℃ an't complain. Get up to anything fun over the weekend? ” asked Scott. "I 〃厄 d with my friends in Shinjuku," said Kenichi. NOW Kenichi meant that he went drinking with his friends in Shinjuku. But here's the problem: in English, the verb play" is only used with children or pets. For example, a child would say t0 his or her mother: "Can I go play with my friends now? ” Or an adult could say: "I played with my three-year-old niece. Anyone over the age 0f twelve would probably say, "hang out. " As in: 町 hung out with my friends over the weekend. Playing a sport or a musical instrument is 73

GRAMMAR GAFFS conversation turned tO Japanese. Jim tried tO follow along, but it was too difficult for him. SO Jim sat in the corner, smoking cigarettes and checking his mobile phone. Suddenly Asuka was standing right in front of him. Jim couldn't believe his eyes.What luck! Asuka smiled and said, "Are you boring?" Jim's smile quickly turned intO a frown. Asuka thought he was boring! He felt embar- rassed. He had wanted t0 impress Asuka. If only he could speak Japanese better! Then Asuka would see that he wasn't boring at all. "NO, not at all," said Jim, hoping she would believe him. But it didn't seem tO work. "Oh, okay. I'II leave you alone then," said Asuka. Too bad! If only Asuka had asked, "Are you bored? ” instead. Movies can be boring. Games can be boring. Parties can be boring. But people? people are わ ore イ , because a movie, game, or party is boring. 55

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY We're going t0 have a party after work. DO you want tO come? ” Neil asked. "Yes. Thank you for inviting me," said Junko. She could feel Neil's blue eyes looking at her. But she didn't 100k up. 、℃ reat. We'lI probably have it at a bar near school, but we haven't decided where yet. l'll let you know the details later," said Neil. 'Okay," said Junk0. Everyday that week, when Neil passed Junko's desk, he would smile at her and say, "Hi, Junko. ' Junko knew she should make eye contact and smile back. But each time, she couldn't bring herself t0 d0 it. lnstead, she said "Hi Neil," while looking at her computer. Only after he passed would she feel brave enough t0 100k up. "Next time, l'll 100k him in the eye,' Junk0 told herself. Finally it was Friday, the day 0f Casey's party. Junk0 was daydreaming. Just then, she saw him coming towards her desk. 52

ath, bus; cash, cashew; cappuccino, cup Of tea—so far none Of these mistakes have been that embarrassing. But that's about tO change! Let's take a lOOk at what happened t0 Trisha and her student Kazuk0. Be grateful that Kazuk0 made this mistake instead Ofyou. Like she did ever Tuesday evening, Trisha met Kazuko in a T0kyo coffee shop. Trisha was a young college graduate teaching English in Japan. Kazuk0 was a middle-aged housewife. Kazuko had good reading and writing skills in English. She could read and write better than some native speakers! She liked to read EngIish magazines like Time and Newsweek. But her speaking skills weren't as strong. That's why she was taking lessons from Trisha. Each week Trisha and Kazuko would 11

ose has another story tO share, about the first time she met Masa's mother. Rose and Masa had been dating for about a year. Masa wanted tO introduce Rose tO his mother. Masa told his mother this, and they made a plan t0 have lunch together. Masa's mother would cook lunch for the three of them at her home. Masa and Rose arrived at the house on the day.lhey rang the doorbell. "Please come in. Hello, Rose. l'm Masa's mother. Nice tO meet you," said the mother. She was still wearing her apron. "Nice t0 meet you, t00. Can I help you with anything?" said Rose. Rose was happy that Masa's mother could speak some English. This was going tO be easier than she thought! "NO. l'm almost done. PIease go int0 the 〃レⅲ g , " said the mother. 28

n our next story, Kimiko uses the wrong verb form. As a result, her sentence takes on a completely different meaning! Kimiko worked for a Tokyo public relations company. Her company Often promoted events. Sometimes, the events would include celebrities visiting from overseas. Kimiko spoke pretty good English. SO, it was her job tO take care Of these foreign stars. This may sound like glamorous work! But in reality, it was very stressful. Sometimes, the foreign celebrities would behave badly. lhey would go out drinking and stay out late. They would be too tired the next day for the event. Or they would have a hangover. Sometimes they would disappear and Kimiko would have to go searching for them. "lhis was the worst! One time, there was a celebrity whO acted 66

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY a school club, the volleyball club. One day her teammates invited her tO a party. lhey t01d her: the party will be in a restaurant. u-he cost is four thousand yen per person. cost includes f00d and drink. Kristen thought about it. She really wanted t0 go t0 the party. She loved parties! But the price was a little tOO expensive for her. TOkyo was SO expensive! lt was Kristen's only complaint about the city. SO she told her friends: "l'm sorry. The party iS tOO expensive for me. But her friends wouldn't take no for an answer. "lhey tried tO convince her tO change her mind. "I know it is expensive. But there's going to be a viking!" said one ofher friends. Now Kristen was interested. A viking? Like a real live viking? Did they even still exist? Why would there be a viking at a party? Or maybe he was like a clown—・ a man dressed up as a viking. Maybe Japanese people had vikings at parties, instead Of clowns. 36

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY SO she said: 。月〃 e 4 〃たツ 0 リ , 〃イツ 0 レ ? " After all, this is what she had learned from her textbooks. lhen the clerk would say something like: "D0ing great! Thank you for asking. Are you looking for anything in particular?" Or: 'Just fine, thank you very much. Now did you hear about the sale we're having right Mayumi would answer the question and another one would follow. She didn't know hOW tO stop the conversation. lt was good language practice. But it was alSO tiring! Mayumi just wanted to look around the shop ln peace. Mayumi decided t0 ask her teacher about this custom. "When I go into a store, the clerk says: 'Hi, how are you?' I should say: 'Fine, thank you and you?"' Mayumi asked her teacher. Her teacher laughed. "You can say what- ever you want. lt's their j0b t0 be friendly. I think most people just ignore them, 86

GRAMMAR GAFFS families' cooking. But Daisuke had nothing tO complain about. Brenda seemed t0 like cooking. She never asked Daisuke t0 help. After dinner, his host father, Rick, would d0 the washing up. Daisuke felt bad. He felt like he should help. SO this time, when he saw Brenda cooking, he decided to help. "PIease. Make me help you," said Daisuke. Brenda laughed. 町 won't make you help me. But you are welcome t0 help me if you like," she said. Daisuke was confused.Was Brenda saying Daisuke didn't realize his mistake. He had mixed up the verbs "make" and "let. " What he meant t0 say was: "Please let me help you. Only a masochist would say, "make me!" 65

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY discuss a tOPiC for an hour over COffee. Sometimes Trisha would pick the topic. Sometimes Kazuko would pick the topic. lhis week, Kazuk0 had a topic that she wanted to talk about. "l'd like to talk about the presidential erection, " Kazuko said. Trisha's eyes grew wide. She pressed a napkin tO her mouth for a moment. Then she lowered the napkin and said: "Uh, okay. What d0 you, uh, think, about it?" "Well, this seems like a very important erection,' Kazuko continued in her usual steady voice. "He is the president after all," Trisha replied. She t00k a drink 0f coffee, burying her face in the cup. "And maybe this erection will have a big effect on Japan," said Kazuko. "Ah ... ” said Trisha. Trisha looked to her left and her right. TO her relief, nobody seemed to be listening ⅲ on their conversation. 12