ENGLISH MADE FUNNY •e shop clerks had to say this. lt is the custom in America. But when Mayumi heard "thank you," she always replied: ツ 0 リ ' re ル elCO ′ e. This is what she had practiced in school. lt had become a habit, too. Just like saying: "Fine, thank you. And you?" But she had no idea how funny it sounded tO say, you re welcome!" "You're welcome" is something you say after helping someone. For example: "Can you pass me the salt?" "Sure, here you go. "lhank you. "You're welcome. When you shop, you are helping the store. lhat's why the clerk says "thank you. " But is that really your purpose? NO, your real purpose is t0 buy something for yourself or your family! If your real purpose is helping the store, then it is Okay tO say, "You're welcome. " But if that's not your purpose, then saying, "You're welcome" doesn't make 88

FALSE FRIENDS "Oh, it's finished," one of her friends said. "ReaIIy? I missed it! l'm so disappointed!" said Kristen, her disappointment showing on her face. 'What do you mean? You had three plates offood! ” said the friend. "Huh? I don't get it... Wait! You mean the viking な the buffet? You call a buffet a viking?" asked Kristen. "Yeah. 怖たⅲ & lt's, how do you say it? AII- you-can-eat. Don't you say ⅵた加 g in EngIish? What did you think I was talking about?" replied the friend. "No! Ha-ha!We don't call an all-you-can- eat buffet a viking. lt's an all-you-can-eat buffet. A viking is from Scandinavia. You know, with a pointy silver helmet and a sword!" said Kristen wiping tears from her cheeks. The tears were from laughter. Kristen had never laughed so hard in her life. How did the word "viking" come to mean an all-you-can-eat buffet? TO Kristen, it didn't make any sense at all! 39

nglish is supposed t0 be straightforward and frank. But still, there is plenty 0f room for confusion. Take negative questions for example. Like these: "SO you're not hungry?" Or: "Are you sure you re not tired?" And: "Don't you want something to drink?" "lhese questions are like a logic puzzle. Except that the correct answer isn't logical. The correct answers tO the question, "SO you re not hungry?" are: "NO, l'm not" ()f you are indeed not hungry). And "Yes, I am" ()f you are actually hungry). lhink that's difficult? Take a look at this situation in which Atsushi found himself. Atsushi was a young company employee. 46

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY SO she said: 。月〃 e 4 〃たツ 0 リ , 〃イツ 0 レ ? " After all, this is what she had learned from her textbooks. lhen the clerk would say something like: "D0ing great! Thank you for asking. Are you looking for anything in particular?" Or: 'Just fine, thank you very much. Now did you hear about the sale we're having right Mayumi would answer the question and another one would follow. She didn't know hOW tO stop the conversation. lt was good language practice. But it was alSO tiring! Mayumi just wanted to look around the shop ln peace. Mayumi decided t0 ask her teacher about this custom. "When I go into a store, the clerk says: 'Hi, how are you?' I should say: 'Fine, thank you and you?"' Mayumi asked her teacher. Her teacher laughed. "You can say what- ever you want. lt's their j0b t0 be friendly. I think most people just ignore them, 86

GRAMMAR GAFFS s was clear and there were many twinkling stars. lhe COOI evening air felt wonderful. Ryusuke let his mind wander as he walked around the edge ofthe campus. Suddenly he was pulled back t0 reality. A police officer was standing right in front 0f him. "Stop right there," said the police officer. "What's ア 0 リ r problem?" asked Ryusuke, hiS VOice coming out in a IOW growl because he was a little bit drunk. "What's my problem? What's your prob- lem? You spoiled kids think you can say and dO whatever you want! Didn't your parents teach you any respect? l'll teach you some respect!" the Officer was shouting at Ryusuke. Ryusuke was shocked. He was also scared. rlhe police officer was much bigger than he was. What had he done tO deserve this? "I don't understand. What's ア 0 リ r prob- lem?" Ryusuke asked. "Let's hear you say that t0 the judge you little punk. l've heard enough from you. Get in the car," said the officer. 61

ometimes words don't translate neatly between two languages. The concept is the same, but the words don't match. Laura, an English teacher in Japan, shares thiS story from one Of her conversation classes. One day, one Of Laura's favorite students came tO speak tO her after class. "I have something to tell you, " said Hitomi. "What is it? ” Laura asked. "T0day is my last day. I won't be coming t0 lessons anymore. I want tO say thank you. I enjoyed your class very much," said Hitomi. "Oh! l'm very sorry to hear that. I enjoyed having you in class, t00. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you are one 0f my favorite students," said Laura. "Thank you," said Hitomi, looking embar- rassed. 70

ENGLISH MADE FUNNY "Hi, l'm Daisuke. Nice to meet you. "Nice tO meet you, too! l'm Brenda and this is my husband Rick. We're very happy tO have you stay with us! Now, shall we show you around the house?" said his host mother. On her face was the biggest smile Daisuke had ever seen. lt had been a long trip. Daisuke felt tired and sweaty. Having to speak English made him nervous. Brenda S smile made him nervous. What he needed was a long, hOt bath. 'l'm sorry. Can I take a わリ s ? " Daisuke asked Brenda. "What? You want to leave already?" said his host mother. Her smile vanished. Now She looked nervous. Daisuke was confused. He didn't under- stand Brenda's response. "Bus. Please, a わリ s , " Daisuke tried again. "A bus tO where? Where dO you want tO go?" asked Brenda. "Maybe we should call the program 4

GRAMMAR GAFFS families' cooking. But Daisuke had nothing tO complain about. Brenda seemed t0 like cooking. She never asked Daisuke t0 help. After dinner, his host father, Rick, would d0 the washing up. Daisuke felt bad. He felt like he should help. SO this time, when he saw Brenda cooking, he decided to help. "PIease. Make me help you," said Daisuke. Brenda laughed. 町 won't make you help me. But you are welcome t0 help me if you like," she said. Daisuke was confused.Was Brenda saying Daisuke didn't realize his mistake. He had mixed up the verbs "make" and "let. " What he meant t0 say was: "Please let me help you. Only a masochist would say, "make me!" 65

anguage learning iS all about making mistakes. lt doesn't matter what your native language is. And it doesn't matter what language you are studying. Mistakes are part Of the learning process— as your brain tries tO figure things out. ut sometimes the stars align, and something funny happens. "lhese funny mistakes may seem embarrassing. But they're not for nothing: the more embarrassing the mistake , the more likely you are t0 learn from it. After all, you won't be forgetting any time soon ()o matter hOW much you want tO)! Hopefully, you can learn fror れ the mistakes Of others, tOO. emember: studying a foreign language is frustrating. most important thing is tO keep your sense Of humor!

TRYING TO BE POLITE explained the teacher. "Oh! lsn't that rude?" asked Mayumi. "I don't know. You're the customer. SO it's really up t0 you. I guess some people like t0 talk to the clerks. Some people are chatty like that, or lonely. But a 10t 0f people don't want to be bothered. I guess you could say: 'Fine, thanks. Just looking, " explained the teacher. G00d thing Mayumi asked! Mayumi was relieved. NOW she could go freely int0 stores. StilI, it was hard to break the habit 0f saying: 、 'Fine, thank you. And you?" But eventually, she felt more comfortable just breezing by the clerks with a quick "Fine, thanks. Just looking. Too bad Mayumi didn't ask her teacher more questions. Actually, Mayumi had another funny habit when it came tO shops. At every store ー the supermarket, the drug store, or the convenience store ー the ClerkS all said the same thing. When they handed Mayumi her change, they said: "lhank you. Have a nice day. 87