24 ・ Ask Questions Learn tO ask questions about your partner. ShOW a real interest in what he thinks and feels. Don't be afraid t0 ask. Some people don't find it easy t0 ask their boyfriend or partner about themselves. If you are one Of these people, make the effort t0 d0 this. Ask questions such as, "What are you feeling now?" or "What is happen- ing right now for you?" or "Can I help you with any- thing?" Then listen t0 his answer. Really listen. Don't start asking another question or make a comment. Wait and listen to him with all your heart. Learn to proceed quietly and be a loving, listenmg per- son. Grow your understanding, grow your friendship, and this will grow your love. 2 33

44 ・ Look For Things You Really Like About Each Other lt is easy to be hurt by small things that your partner does. Thinking t00 much about these things can make you very unhappy. If you are not careful, bad feelings about small things can come t0 be what you think about most Of the time. Don' t spend t00 much time thinking about all the small things that are bad about your partner. Balance this by thinking ab out what you re ally like and love about him. There will be much more that you like than you dislike. Right now, think about three things that he does that are kind or are nice for you. Learn t0 balance the small bad things with the good things he does. Learn to accept the small things because that is what they are … small things. 55

/ 4 ・ How You See Yourself Are you kind t0 yourself when you think about your body, or are you unkind to yourself about your body and how you 100k ? Do you like the way you 100k or do you think you should be taller or prettier or thinner or have a dif- ferent—looking body? If you don't like yourself now because 0f the way you look, you may not like yourself any better if you were able to change. Learn to like all the good things about yourself, now. Think about all the things about yourself that you like and learn to like yourself as you are right now. Change what you can change, but accept who and what you are right now. If you d0 want to change something about yourself, start with something you can change like your weight, hair style or color, general look, or eating habits. Set small goals for the things you can change, as well as liking yourself as you are right now. 90

The Strength Of Being Alone Learn how t0 enjoy being in your own company. You can learn SO much about yourself when you spend time alone, listening tO your own thoughts. Get tO know yourself as you would a close friend. Spend some time alone tO get tO know yourself better. If you look for a relationship to 6 Ⅱ an empty space within you it won't always make you happy. The person may not be wh0 or what you think they are or you may not be wh0 or what they really want. If that space in you is filled with love for yourself then when you d0 find someone t0 love, the relationship can start from strength and equality rather than need- ing and wanting someone t0 make you happy. If you already like yourself, the other person liking or loving you is an added happy event. Even if you are happy in a relationship, you may welcome having time alone from time tO time. 12

2 ス Forgiveness Everyone finds it hard to forgive someone who has done something that hurts you or something thought- less. lt is easy t0 go on thinking much t00 often about what it was they did to hurt you. D0ing so does not help you t0 get on with your life. lt does not help you to live your life ⅲ a happy way. The Other person might have hurt you once; but when you think about it over and over again, you hurt yourself again and again. Every time you think about it you relive the hurt. By reliving the pain in your mind over and over again, dO you not hurt yourself more Often than the other person hurt you in the first place? Le arn t0 forgive other people when you think they have hurt you or done something wrong to you. Also, learn to forgive yourself for things you have done wrong or could have done better. The past is gone and finished. If you have done some- thing wrong, learn from what you have done and try never to d0 it again. Forgive yourself and think about hOW you can be better in the future. 38

49 ・ Love Can Be AII That You Hope For AII relationships need work and care to develop and grow. Love can be for you all that you hope but remember that love never Stays the same, it changes all the time. Sometime it feels better, sometimes it feels like it isn't working. As time goes by, love will feel different as it grows and changes. Have goals for your relationship and work with your partner tO gain these. Practice the things needed tO grow your love, such as talking and listening and showing your love for each other. You and your part- ner can live through these times, grow together and learn tO love each Other 1 第 .ore and more as time passes. 60

75 ・ Don't Compare Yourself With Others The media often write about the wealth and beauty Of rock stars and movie stars, sports people and authors. These people have become people we 100k up tO. Papers and websites are Often full Of stories and pictures about these "perfect" people with "perfect" bodies and lives. DO you really believe all these stories? lt is t00 easy for women to feel like failures when they measure themselves against famous people. You may also think that the people you know, your friends and people you work with, are more beautiful or smarter than you. You are a special person; no one iS like YOLI. Whatever you are right now is special. You must learn tO accept and like yourself rather than being unkind to yourself by measuring yourself against other people. 91

19 ・ Understand Each Other Everyone is different. There are no two people wh0 have the same likes or the same dislikes. Each person has had their own life which is different from everyone else's. Your partner or boyfriend will probably have had a very different life than you. Sometimes that is just the thing that brings you together in the first place. The only way you can learn to understand about another person is tO ask them about themselves and tO really listen to them when they tell you. Try t0 picture what their life has been like and understand where they have come from. When you listen tO someone with all your attention you will understand them bet- ter and they will respect you more. They in turn may listen tO you more when you choose tO speak. 0 28 0 0

51 ・ Move Past Anger Everyone has events that happen tO them that can leave them feeling angry and upset. For example, if you are treated badly at work and you feel that you have done a good job, you have a choice. You might feel that it is not fair and dislike whoever has treated you badly and be angry. You might feel like a victim and ask yourself why the world is not kind t0 you, and feel angry. Or you might try to understand that sometimes things happen that are not nice, that whatever happened is past, is over and you should move on with your life. There iS no value staying angry in your mind. Move on and be pleased with yourself for being positive. The chOice is tO be strong and learn, or tO be sad and pity yourself. You make that choice. 63

49. Love Can Be AII That You Hope For Section 5. Throughout lt AII 55. Don't HoId Back Your Love 67 54. Moving Forward 66 53. Dealing With Difficult Times 65 52. Teach Each Other 64 51. Move Past Anger 63 50. Learn From Everything 62 60 ・ 61 56. Trying To PIease Everyone Doesn't Work 68 57. No-one Stays The Same 69 58. Stay Connected To Your Feelings 70 59. When You Decide To Act On Your Feelings 71 60. When You Think T00 Much 72 61. Don't Try To Change The Other Person 73 62. Don't Put Others Before Yourself 74 63. Have Energy For YourseIf 64. Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust 65. Be Careful How PeopIe TaIk To You 77 Section 6. When Love ls Over ・ 66. Freedom Of Choice 80 67. Know When To Leave 81 68. Stop Blaming 82 69. When Things Are Finally Over 83 70. The Steps Of Grief 84 71. Look To The Future With Hope 85 72. Try Something New 86 73. Do Something Kind For Someone Else 87