39 ・ Do Nice Things For Your Partner Remember tO dO nice things for your partner. Something thoughtful or ple asant will be thought of very kindly by your partner and will help the relation- ship to be healthy and grow ・ When you do something pleasant you are showing that you love your partner and that you care SO much for them that you wish to please them ⅲ small or big ways. Mostly, a small gift or act will be enough; it does not need tO cost a 10t Of money. lt is the thought that is important, the thought that shows your love. Give your partner a small written note, or a card with a message Of love, a bOOk or a letter or some small thing that he likes. This will tell him how much you care for him. These are all small things that do not cost a 10t of money but which show how much you love him. DO nice things for your partner often. 50

33 ・ 80% Positive lt is sometimes very easy tO talk t00 much about the things that have gone wrong for you or have not been pleasant for you. If you speak mostly about all the negative things in your life or relationship, that is hOW you will be seen by others. lt also is how you will come to believe yourself to be. The things that have gone wrong for you are probably only a small part of what you have done. Most of the things you do are OK and you might feel happy about them. The things that have gone wrong ⅲ any day are probably less than 20 % of what you have done in that day. Make sure that you talk positively about the things that are OK for you or are good in the world. Make sure that what you talk about is at least 80 % positive and less than 20 % negative. You will feel happier and the world will seem a better place. 44

5 & Stay Connected To Your FeeIings Throughout your relationship stay connected to your feelings. Take notice and think about your feelings without being hurt or upset. Your feelings will always help you to understand what is happening in your world and ⅲ your relationship. They are very useful in telling you if something is or isn't right. They can connect you to what is happening for you and what is happening around you. Sit gently with these feelings and carefully listen to them. Sometimes you will decide tO act upon them, sometimes you will just notice them and feel kindness to yourself for feeling them and then let them go. 70

14 ・ Listen To Yourself lt can be difficult when you are falling ⅲ love t0 keep your mind clear and open tO hear your own wisdom. Love can make it difficult t0 make up your mind about what tO dO and what not tO dO. Sometimes you will want tO ask someone else about what you should dO. If you do this, remember that mostly they will tell you what they would do in the same situation. Hardly ever does the other person think about what is really best for you. Let' s say you tell a friend that you want t0 live with your boyfriend and that you are leaving home t0 d0 this. For them, it may seem tO be the worst chOice ⅲ the world and very stressful and they will advise you not t0 do it. They will talk about their fears and their womes. They might say, "You are doing the wrong thing, moving ⅲ with him," or plant the seed of doubt by asking, "Are you sure you know what you' re doing?" What they really mean to say is, "The thought 0f doing that makes me feel uneasy because I couldn't d0 it, so don't talk with me about doing it. " They mostly give their view. Trust and listen t0 the advice from others, but always make your own decisions, following your ovvn lnner wisdom. If you listen to your feelings, your lnner wisdom will guide you t0 solve your own issues and problems. 21

3 ス Learn From Each Other Throughout your life you will learn and go on learn- ing. Everythmg you do gives you a chance t0 learn more about yourself. Being ⅲ a relationship is a great way tO learn about yourself because when you are close tO another person you notice things about them and you that are worth thinking about. You will always learn from each other in relationships. You will notice things that happen and think about your feelings about these things. You may think about what you could dO better next time and if you are brave enough, you can change the way you d0 things for the better. This is hOW you learn from another person; by notic- ing your feelings and then changing the way you d0 things. 48

19 ・ Understand Each Other Everyone is different. There are no two people wh0 have the same likes or the same dislikes. Each person has had their own life which is different from everyone else's. Your partner or boyfriend will probably have had a very different life than you. Sometimes that is just the thing that brings you together in the first place. The only way you can learn to understand about another person is tO ask them about themselves and tO really listen to them when they tell you. Try t0 picture what their life has been like and understand where they have come from. When you listen tO someone with all your attention you will understand them bet- ter and they will respect you more. They in turn may listen tO you more when you choose tO speak. 0 28 0 0

Fate is often a word used to explain something that has happened that seems tO be out Of your control. Fate is the idea of something happening that is bigger or better than your own free will. Some people leave their wh01e lives up t0 fate and some leave their love lives up tO fate... Others believe they control their lives through free will. Get to know which Of these two you use and trust. Tuck, a young woman ⅲ her 20 ' s, talked about fate and her boyfriend. "When I met him, I knew it was fate. I wasn't meant tO be at the bus stop. lt wasn't a bus stop I had ever been to before. I was there because I was late and a friend dropped me there to catch my bus and I started talking tO this man because he was waiting for a bus there also. SO I met my boyfriend because of fate, SO the relationship must have been meant tO happen. Fate can be things happening that are out 0f the ordi- nary or happy accidents or something that seems really unusual. These things that are called fate can lead t0 happy relationships sometimes, sometimes not. Fate may draw you together in the first place, but your free will tO act and react in certain ways will be what keeps you together. 15

41 ・ Listen CarefuIIy Before You Speak Your mind can bring up thoughts and p icture s much faster than YOLI words. iS one reason that you might find it hard to listen fully when another person is talking. Your mind can easily move to other thoughts while the other person is speaking. Your mind can start tO think about what you will have for lunch or what you will do when you get back to work. lt is very easy for you to start to think ahead while another person is speaking. lt is easy to think of what you might say next after the other person has finished talking and it is your turn to speak. Thinking too far ahead shows a lack of respect for the other person. Listen carefully and seek to understand the other person and it will show care that honors them. The other person can sense if you are not listen- ing carefully. When you listen with care it helps to make a close and positive relationship. Take special care tO listen tO your partner. 52

Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust If you feel that a friend is not true or honest with you or does not share your values, talk with them first and try to clear things up between you. If they continue t0 be dishonest and not supportive Of your values, you can make the decision not tO spend time with them. You can d0 this quietly without making trouble. If you hold on t0 a friendship when you cannot trust that friend, you are likely to bring harm and pain t0 yourself. You may think that you should accept them as they are and give them another chance, but tO d0 SO will lessen your self-esteem and can invite trouble and hard times tO you. If they are being dishonest or your trust and friend- ship is not returned, your spirit will feel that the relationship is not fair tO you. Your self-esteem will be lessened. Your friendship with Others whO are truer tO you may also be lessened. You need tO distance yourself from Others whO are not trustworthy. 76

5 ・ What Women Want What other women want should not matter to you. YOLI are not the as Other WOmen, YOLI are you. The question is "What is it you want?" and being able tO express this iS much 1 .ore important. What you are told about other women and their wants is probably not what you feel your needs are. lt is far t00 easy to allow your thinking to be changed from what you really want to what others tell you that you should want. Often people copy their thoughts or hopes from people on TV, the lnternet or magazines, and those hopes or thoughts are not really their own. Think about what you want for yourself. What will suit you; make you happy or pleased with your life? What are your plans, your hopes; what is your picture of the future? Keep your own thoughts close to you and talk with your friends or your partner about your dreams and hopes, not the ideas that come from other people and magazines. Are you clear about what you want? Take some time to think about this very important question. You may find that your thoughts about what you want will change over time; the se thoughts will change and grow as time passes. Be prepared for such change. The important thing iS tO remember your own hopes and dreams, not those Of else. 10