26. Be Yourself ln Your Relationship Sometimes people try tO act like something or someone they are not. Don't try t0 pretend that you are like another person. That is hard to keep up and you d0 yourself harm by trying ・ Keep explaining your values, your thoughts t0 your partner. Your values and thoughts are very important as they become whO you are. You don't have tO agree with the Other person's values and thoughts to have a happy relationship. B ut you need tO express your values and beliefs tO give the other person the chance tO understand whO and what you are, even if they don't agree with you. You also need tO think about hOW you can accept their values even if you don't agree with them. 35

Section 7. Loving Yourself ・ 77. Mistakes Are Great 93 76. Be Positive About Yourself 92 75. Don't Compare Yourself With Others 74. How You See Yourself 90 91 78. Don't Beat YourseIf Up About Mistakes 94 79. Be CarefuI About Who You Spend Time With 80. Have A HeaIthy Body 96 81. Don't Be Competitive With Friends 97 82. Move Your Body 98 83. Relax 99 84. Have Fun 100 85. Sit Well And Stand Tall 101 86. Learn To Breathe CorrectIy 102 87. Time For Yourself 103 88. Do You Get T00 Stressed? 104 89. Nurture A HeaIthy SeIf-image 90. Build Your Self-esteem 106 91. Take Control 107 92. Don't Shoot The Messenger! 93. Learn To Like Yourself 109 105 108 95 94. When You Are On Your Own You Can Learn And Grow 95. Connect With Yourself 111 96. Your Needs Are lmportant 97. Balance Your Needs 113 112 98. Your Best Friend 114 99. Speak Well To Yourself 100. Success Starts With You Word List ・ 116 ・ 89 118 110

24 ・ Ask Questions Learn tO ask questions about your partner. ShOW a real interest in what he thinks and feels. Don't be afraid t0 ask. Some people don't find it easy t0 ask their boyfriend or partner about themselves. If you are one Of these people, make the effort t0 d0 this. Ask questions such as, "What are you feeling now?" or "What is happen- ing right now for you?" or "Can I help you with any- thing?" Then listen t0 his answer. Really listen. Don't start asking another question or make a comment. Wait and listen to him with all your heart. Learn to proceed quietly and be a loving, listenmg per- son. Grow your understanding, grow your friendship, and this will grow your love. 2 33

49. Love Can Be AII That You Hope For Section 5. Throughout lt AII 55. Don't HoId Back Your Love 67 54. Moving Forward 66 53. Dealing With Difficult Times 65 52. Teach Each Other 64 51. Move Past Anger 63 50. Learn From Everything 62 60 ・ 61 56. Trying To PIease Everyone Doesn't Work 68 57. No-one Stays The Same 69 58. Stay Connected To Your Feelings 70 59. When You Decide To Act On Your Feelings 71 60. When You Think T00 Much 72 61. Don't Try To Change The Other Person 73 62. Don't Put Others Before Yourself 74 63. Have Energy For YourseIf 64. Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust 65. Be Careful How PeopIe TaIk To You 77 Section 6. When Love ls Over ・ 66. Freedom Of Choice 80 67. Know When To Leave 81 68. Stop Blaming 82 69. When Things Are Finally Over 83 70. The Steps Of Grief 84 71. Look To The Future With Hope 85 72. Try Something New 86 73. Do Something Kind For Someone Else 87

92 ・ Don't Shoot The Messenger! When someone tells you something, there are two separate parts tO the message you hear. The first part is what is said and the second part is what you think and feel at the time about the person who brings you the message. There is a saying, "Don't shoot the messenger. " This saying comes from stories tOld ⅲ the history Of war. When bad news was delivered, the general would have the messenger shot so that the soldiers would not find out about this bad news. If you d0 not like what is in the message, try not to be angry about it, try not tO put all your attention on the person giving it. lt is very important not tO focus only on the person who brings the message. As the saying goes, "Don't shOOt the messenger. " They are not the problem. Think about what you can learn from each message. ls there some part of what is said that you should think about? Sometimes the message isn't about you at al し or it may be wrong. lt may show the feelings of the per- son whO brings the message, rather than be something about you. Try to think about what information could be useful for you, and leave the rest alone. But in any case, don't ShOOt the messenger! 108

34 ・ 範Ⅱ The Truth ln a relationship it is important tO be honest with each other, to tell the truth. If you don't tell the truth, your partner might see this as something wrong with the relationship. He might think you have something that is worrying you. He might think you don't trust him with your feelings, or that you are keeping something from him. Let's say he asks you, "Am I working t00 many long hours? DO you need me tO spend more time with you?" You might think of saying, "NO, it's fine. Everyth1ng is OK. " He knows that he is never at home; he knows the hours he works are long. SO if you don't tell him the truth, next time he asks you about something, he may question whether you are trying tO be nice tO him and whether he can trust your answer. If you do not tell the truth, you might think that you are being kind to your partner, but you really are not being fair to him or to yourself. Tell the truth with kindness, but tell the truth. 45

Be Careful About Who You Spend Time With DO people around you speak badly about themselves or about others when you are with them? DO they say unpleasant things about what they or others 100k like or hOW or what they eat? Being around people like this can make you feel bad. If your friends don't think the same way you think or the way you want t0 think, you can change who you spend time with. lt may not be easy t0 spend less time with people you are used to being with, but if they don't support the way you think and feel about yourself and your body, then for your own health and well being it may be better for you not tO be with them. 95

Don't Try To Change The Other Person Many people start a relationship thinking they can fix someone else a vvay they want them to be. This does not work. Don't ever believe that asking someone to change will make them change; it won't. If someone else is ready to change, they will change because they want to, not because someone else has asked them tO dO it. People do not change because you ask them to. people change because their life is such that they have to change because what they are doing is so uncomfort- able or hurtful to them that they have to find a better way tO dO it. Love and accept your partner. Change the things about yourself you can change and love and accept them as they are.

32 ・ Make Love The Goal Goals are important ⅲ any relationship. The best way tO build your love together is tO have positive goals, things you want or will do, rather than negative goals, things you don't want or want tO stop dOing. Take time to connect with your partner and the love between you and make some goals together, such as how you are going t0 talk with each other, how much time you want tO spend together, hOW you are going tO grow the friendship between you, how you are going tO shOW your love for each Other. Focus on what you want rather than what you don't want. Have some very clear goals about the love you want because this helps your mind tO stay clear and focused. Your mind is always looking forward t0 a goal that is positive rather than a negative goal. Be careful tO ShOW your love as your number one goal. 43

WORD LIST ② ( 人が ) 確信した③ある④いくら かの in certain ways 何らかの形で ロ challenge 名①挑戦②課題 , 難問 , 努力目標 ロ chance 熟 everythingyou do gwes you a chance learn あな たがすることすべてが学ぶチャンス となる ロ change 熟 adaptto change 変化 に順応する ow yo thinking to be changed あなたの考えを変えさ せること make changes 修正する , 改善する ロ chapter 名 ( 書物の ) 章 ロ check 動照合する , 検査する名照 合 , 検査 reality check 真偽の確認 ロ cheerful 形上機嫌の , 元気のよい , ( 人を ) 気持ちよくさせる ロ chest 名①大きな箱 . 戸棚 , たんす ②胸部 ロ choice 名選択 ( の範囲・自由 ) , え り好み , 選ばれた人 [ 物 ] make choice 選択をする ロ clarity 名明確さ ロ clear 形①はっきりした , 明白な ②澄んだ③はく ) 晴れた動①はっ きりさせる②片づける③晴れる clear 市ⅲ gs Ⅱ p 物事をはっきりさ せる砌①はっきりと②すっかり , 完全に ロ clearly 副①明らかに , はっきりと ②《返答に用いて》そのとおり ロ close down 熟終了する ロ closely 副①密接に②念入りに , 詳しく③びったりと ロ come 熟 comeinto ~ に入ってく る come running up to ~ に駆け寄 ってくる come be whatyou think about most ofthe time あな たの頭に常にあるようになる come to 10W them better 彼らをよりよ く知るようになる come up 発生す る , 起きる howyouwillcometo believe yourselfto be あなたが自 分がどのような人であると思うよう 121 になるか it can come frue for you あなたにとって現実となる ロ comment 名論評 , 解説 , コメン ト make a comment コメントする ロ commit 動①委託する②引き受 ける③ ( 罪などを ) 犯す commit “山 passion 情熱を維持する ロ compare 動比較する , 対照する don't compare yourselfwith others 自分を他人と比べない compassion 名思いやり , 深い同 ロ 情 show compassion 思いやりを示 す ロ compete 動①競争する② ( 競技 に ) 参加する③匹敵する compete 山 ~ と張り合う competitive 形競争の , 競争心の ロ 強い , ( 品質などが ) 他に負けない ロ completely 副完全に , すっかり ロ confident 形自信のある , 自信に 満ちた not very confident about relationship 関係にあまり自信がな ロ connect 動つながる , つなぐ , 関 係づける connectwith ~ とつなが る stay connected tO your feelings 自分の心の声に常に耳を傾 ける ロ connected 形結合した , 関係のあ る ロ contact 熟 lose contact 山 ~ との連絡が途絶える ロ contribute 動①貢献する②寄 稿する③寄付する ロ control 動①管理 [ 支配 ] する② 抑制する . コントロールする名①管 理 , 支配 ( カ ) ②抑制 have con む over ~ を支配する , ~ を抑制する out of one's con 不可抗力の , 自由にならない ロ copy 動写す , まねる , コピーする ロ correctly 副正しく , 正確に ロ COSt 動 ( 金・費用が ) かかる , ( ~ を ) 要する , ( 人に金額を ) 費やさせる