8 & Do You Get Too Stressed? DO you sometimes feel stressed out? DO you worry about things in your life that you can do nothmg about? DO you feel negative sometimes? Or worry about work, family and friends? Are you afraid to meet new people sometimes? DO you sometimes feel worried about the future? If any of these things happen to you there is something you can do t0 help yourself. Try t0 think about the good things that happen around you, not just the nega- tive things. DO one small thing at a time and be happy to do that. Relax your thinking as well as your body. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings and fears or write a journal or a diary about hOW you feel. Think most about the present, not the past or the fu- ture. You may like tO exercise more, or walk every day. These are all good ways to start feeling good about yourself. 104

90 ・ Build Your Self-esteem lt's important to feel good and to be clear and strong about your skills and about what you can do. No one is perfect, but you are mostly capable. Remember that you have good skills in your work, you have some relationship skills and you can talk clearly, listen and achieve your goals. You may not fit the popular magazine pictures for size, figure, dress and the bag you carry, but you can still dress well, or buy nice things. While there may be a few things you would like to change about yourself, you are probably more OK than you think you are. When you think about yourself, do you like yourself? DO you see yourself as positively as you really are? Do you feel mostly good about yourself? Do you have good self-esteem? Or do you talk badly to yourself about those few things you might like to improve about yourself? TO help with this, think about your strengths, the things you are good at. Think about the things you do well each day rather than talking badly to yourself about any small things you could have done better. 106

44 ・ Look For Things You Really Like About Each Other lt is easy to be hurt by small things that your partner does. Thinking t00 much about these things can make you very unhappy. If you are not careful, bad feelings about small things can come t0 be what you think about most Of the time. Don' t spend t00 much time thinking about all the small things that are bad about your partner. Balance this by thinking ab out what you re ally like and love about him. There will be much more that you like than you dislike. Right now, think about three things that he does that are kind or are nice for you. Learn t0 balance the small bad things with the good things he does. Learn to accept the small things because that is what they are … small things. 55

3 ス Learn From Each Other Throughout your life you will learn and go on learn- ing. Everythmg you do gives you a chance t0 learn more about yourself. Being ⅲ a relationship is a great way tO learn about yourself because when you are close tO another person you notice things about them and you that are worth thinking about. You will always learn from each other in relationships. You will notice things that happen and think about your feelings about these things. You may think about what you could dO better next time and if you are brave enough, you can change the way you d0 things for the better. This is hOW you learn from another person; by notic- ing your feelings and then changing the way you d0 things. 48

25 ・ Don't Jump Ahead Of YourseIf Everyone can dO SO much at a time; we are all able to think about many thmgs at once. Jumping ahead of what is happening at the moment happens because you can think about many things at the s ame time, ⅲ - cluding thinking about the future. Thinking t00 much about the future will not support what you are doing right now. "I am always thinking about tomorrow and when the day is over I feel unhappy because I haven't done much. I think it's because I think t00 much about tomorrow and not enough about what I am doing right no 、 V. Lon Be aware of the present moment; give it your best, rather than going t00 far forward. Be aware and enjoy the p resent moment. 34

4 ・ What Men Want lt is impossible tO understand what goes on in some- one else's mind. Women Often try tO guess what men want, without asking them. Never try tO guess what a man might want in a relationship. If you are ⅲ a relationship or starting a relationship, ask him. Ask gently, let him know that you care about him and wish tO care for his needs. Many men are not very confident about relationship s and dO not have a clear idea about what they want. Most men will welcome being asked and will welcome the opportunity to talk about their needs. Such discus- sion may alSO start him talking about your needs in a relationship. There is no one answer tO the question about what men want. Many things are written and said about what men want, especially ⅲ popular magazines and on TV. Most of these things are wrong. Every man is different and every man's needs are different. Try not tO listen tO talk about what men want from 0ther people or from TV or magazines. If you need t0 know what your man wants, ask him. 9

60. When You Think Too Much Sally is a woman wh0 worries t00 much. She said, "I really worry about small thlngs that happen. Sometimes these things have happened three days ago and I am still worrying about them. If my boyfriend does something that I don't like, I worry about it endlessly. ' Sally makes small thing into big things often. Some- thing small becomes something big because she has thought t00 much about it for three days. Do you think t00 much about the past and then that becomes a vvorry? Are YOLI an over-worrier? Some people think about something that happened yesterday and this turns tO worry about what they said or didn't say, or could have said tO their partner. The key is to let go of thoughts about the past and live in present time. Just remind yourself what you are dOing now. You may be sitting in a chair or in a train or at work or sitfing at home; wherever you are right now is important. Try tO bring yourself back tO what is happening at this moment. Thinking about the past and trying to change some- thing that has already passed is a very hard way t0 treat yourself. NO one can change the past. Let go 0f what you said or did yesterday and 100k at where and what you are doing right now.

/ 6. Be Positive About Yourself lt is healthy to think and feel positive about yourself. Here are some things you can dO to feel positive about yourself: ・ Accept that you are not perfect and you never will be. ・ L00k at the positive, the many things that are good about you. ・ Be grateful for the good things already ⅲ your life. ・ Don't think about the future t00 much. ・ Have a dream for the future, but live now. ・ Relax, let go of worry. ・ Care for yourself and others. ・ Meet people and make friends. Le arn to laugh more and play; have fun with your partner and friends. 92

92 ・ Don't Shoot The Messenger! When someone tells you something, there are two separate parts tO the message you hear. The first part is what is said and the second part is what you think and feel at the time about the person who brings you the message. There is a saying, "Don't shoot the messenger. " This saying comes from stories tOld ⅲ the history Of war. When bad news was delivered, the general would have the messenger shot so that the soldiers would not find out about this bad news. If you d0 not like what is in the message, try not to be angry about it, try not tO put all your attention on the person giving it. lt is very important not tO focus only on the person who brings the message. As the saying goes, "Don't shOOt the messenger. " They are not the problem. Think about what you can learn from each message. ls there some part of what is said that you should think about? Sometimes the message isn't about you at al し or it may be wrong. lt may show the feelings of the per- son whO brings the message, rather than be something about you. Try to think about what information could be useful for you, and leave the rest alone. But in any case, don't ShOOt the messenger! 108

/ 4 ・ How You See Yourself Are you kind t0 yourself when you think about your body, or are you unkind to yourself about your body and how you 100k ? Do you like the way you 100k or do you think you should be taller or prettier or thinner or have a dif- ferent—looking body? If you don't like yourself now because 0f the way you look, you may not like yourself any better if you were able to change. Learn to like all the good things about yourself, now. Think about all the things about yourself that you like and learn to like yourself as you are right now. Change what you can change, but accept who and what you are right now. If you d0 want to change something about yourself, start with something you can change like your weight, hair style or color, general look, or eating habits. Set small goals for the things you can change, as well as liking yourself as you are right now. 90