50 ・ Learn From Everything Happy and positive events in your life make your soul strong and happy; negative and difficult events allow you to think about the way to do things and how you could d0 them differently next time. Negative and difficult events can also make your soul stronger. You learn the most from events that are the most difficult for you. You learn the least from those that are least difficult. When things happen to you that are positive or happy, you will enjoy them but do you think about them? Do you think about what caused them or have led them to you? Do you think through what you might learn from those events? When things happen that make you unhappy or nega- tive, you have an important choice. You can either be angry or you can think about what you might learn from them and how you might act differently in future. 62

21. Build Trust Trust between two people can grow; it can grow as you get tO know each Other better and as you learn how to talk together about difficult things that happen. Talking through events that have happened which are harder for you to deal with builds trust between people. lt is sometimes natural tO try to hide some things from your partner. You might want to keep thmgs from your partner that you think might make you look bad or ShOW you tO be weak or unable tO make choices or plans. You will lessen your partner's trust if you hide these things from him. Your partner will know either ⅲ his mind or in his heart that you are keeping some important things from him and this will take away his trust. Build trust by being open with your partner about the things that are hard for you to share, as well as the things that are easy to share. Make a habit also of listening to him about the things that are hard for him to deal with. 30

3 ス Learn From Each Other Throughout your life you will learn and go on learn- ing. Everythmg you do gives you a chance t0 learn more about yourself. Being ⅲ a relationship is a great way tO learn about yourself because when you are close tO another person you notice things about them and you that are worth thinking about. You will always learn from each other in relationships. You will notice things that happen and think about your feelings about these things. You may think about what you could dO better next time and if you are brave enough, you can change the way you d0 things for the better. This is hOW you learn from another person; by notic- ing your feelings and then changing the way you d0 things. 48

Mistakes Are Great Everyone makes choices about their lives that some- times don't work out for them. Everyone makes mis- takes every day. When you make a mistake, the most important thing is not tO be t00 unkind tO yourself. Learn from these mistakes, and use every thing that happens t0 you as a learning point. Welcome mistakes ⅲ your life. When you know about a mistake and accept that you have made it you can learn from it. Forgive yourself about making mistakes and learn what tO dO and what not tO dO next time. That' s the gift a mi stake can give you—the gift of learmng about yourself and about what you could d0 better and more wisely next time. 93

5 ・ What Women Want What other women want should not matter to you. YOLI are not the as Other WOmen, YOLI are you. The question is "What is it you want?" and being able tO express this iS much 1 .ore important. What you are told about other women and their wants is probably not what you feel your needs are. lt is far t00 easy to allow your thinking to be changed from what you really want to what others tell you that you should want. Often people copy their thoughts or hopes from people on TV, the lnternet or magazines, and those hopes or thoughts are not really their own. Think about what you want for yourself. What will suit you; make you happy or pleased with your life? What are your plans, your hopes; what is your picture of the future? Keep your own thoughts close to you and talk with your friends or your partner about your dreams and hopes, not the ideas that come from other people and magazines. Are you clear about what you want? Take some time to think about this very important question. You may find that your thoughts about what you want will change over time; the se thoughts will change and grow as time passes. Be prepared for such change. The important thing iS tO remember your own hopes and dreams, not those Of else. 10

19 ・ Understand Each Other Everyone is different. There are no two people wh0 have the same likes or the same dislikes. Each person has had their own life which is different from everyone else's. Your partner or boyfriend will probably have had a very different life than you. Sometimes that is just the thing that brings you together in the first place. The only way you can learn to understand about another person is tO ask them about themselves and tO really listen to them when they tell you. Try t0 picture what their life has been like and understand where they have come from. When you listen tO someone with all your attention you will understand them bet- ter and they will respect you more. They in turn may listen tO you more when you choose tO speak. 0 28 0 0

49. Love Can Be AII That You Hope For Section 5. Throughout lt AII 55. Don't HoId Back Your Love 67 54. Moving Forward 66 53. Dealing With Difficult Times 65 52. Teach Each Other 64 51. Move Past Anger 63 50. Learn From Everything 62 60 ・ 61 56. Trying To PIease Everyone Doesn't Work 68 57. No-one Stays The Same 69 58. Stay Connected To Your Feelings 70 59. When You Decide To Act On Your Feelings 71 60. When You Think T00 Much 72 61. Don't Try To Change The Other Person 73 62. Don't Put Others Before Yourself 74 63. Have Energy For YourseIf 64. Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust 65. Be Careful How PeopIe TaIk To You 77 Section 6. When Love ls Over ・ 66. Freedom Of Choice 80 67. Know When To Leave 81 68. Stop Blaming 82 69. When Things Are Finally Over 83 70. The Steps Of Grief 84 71. Look To The Future With Hope 85 72. Try Something New 86 73. Do Something Kind For Someone Else 87

The Strength Of Being Alone Learn how t0 enjoy being in your own company. You can learn SO much about yourself when you spend time alone, listening tO your own thoughts. Get tO know yourself as you would a close friend. Spend some time alone tO get tO know yourself better. If you look for a relationship to 6 Ⅱ an empty space within you it won't always make you happy. The person may not be wh0 or what you think they are or you may not be wh0 or what they really want. If that space in you is filled with love for yourself then when you d0 find someone t0 love, the relationship can start from strength and equality rather than need- ing and wanting someone t0 make you happy. If you already like yourself, the other person liking or loving you is an added happy event. Even if you are happy in a relationship, you may welcome having time alone from time tO time. 12

Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust If you feel that a friend is not true or honest with you or does not share your values, talk with them first and try to clear things up between you. If they continue t0 be dishonest and not supportive Of your values, you can make the decision not tO spend time with them. You can d0 this quietly without making trouble. If you hold on t0 a friendship when you cannot trust that friend, you are likely to bring harm and pain t0 yourself. You may think that you should accept them as they are and give them another chance, but tO d0 SO will lessen your self-esteem and can invite trouble and hard times tO you. If they are being dishonest or your trust and friend- ship is not returned, your spirit will feel that the relationship is not fair tO you. Your self-esteem will be lessened. Your friendship with Others whO are truer tO you may also be lessened. You need tO distance yourself from Others whO are not trustworthy. 76

4 ・ What Men Want lt is impossible tO understand what goes on in some- one else's mind. Women Often try tO guess what men want, without asking them. Never try tO guess what a man might want in a relationship. If you are ⅲ a relationship or starting a relationship, ask him. Ask gently, let him know that you care about him and wish tO care for his needs. Many men are not very confident about relationship s and dO not have a clear idea about what they want. Most men will welcome being asked and will welcome the opportunity to talk about their needs. Such discus- sion may alSO start him talking about your needs in a relationship. There is no one answer tO the question about what men want. Many things are written and said about what men want, especially ⅲ popular magazines and on TV. Most of these things are wrong. Every man is different and every man's needs are different. Try not tO listen tO talk about what men want from 0ther people or from TV or magazines. If you need t0 know what your man wants, ask him. 9