34 ・ 範Ⅱ The Truth ln a relationship it is important tO be honest with each other, to tell the truth. If you don't tell the truth, your partner might see this as something wrong with the relationship. He might think you have something that is worrying you. He might think you don't trust him with your feelings, or that you are keeping something from him. Let's say he asks you, "Am I working t00 many long hours? DO you need me tO spend more time with you?" You might think of saying, "NO, it's fine. Everyth1ng is OK. " He knows that he is never at home; he knows the hours he works are long. SO if you don't tell him the truth, next time he asks you about something, he may question whether you are trying tO be nice tO him and whether he can trust your answer. If you do not tell the truth, you might think that you are being kind to your partner, but you really are not being fair to him or to yourself. Tell the truth with kindness, but tell the truth. 45

Look To The Future With Hope Understand that when a relationship is over you will survive and go on with your life. Even if you cannot believe that just now, you will heal. Even if you do not believe this at the time, know that it will become true for you at some time in the future. TO feel pain after IOSS is normal. lt proves that you are alive and that you are human. Don't stop living your life; become stronger, become hopeful that one day you will find love and happiness again. Your experience has added something tO your life and will help you to 100k at things with more wisdom next time. ln time, something good always comes from something hurtful. 85

Do Something Kind For Someone Else Taking the fo cus from yourself and thinking about others and how you can be kind to them allows your body to heal and to get better. Think about someone you know well or not so well and do something nice for them today. You can d0 it so that they know about it and can thank you or you can do it without them knowing where the good deed came fror 第一 . Here are some suggestions about hOW you can be kind to others: ・ Treat everyone you know as if they are part of your family. ・ Take some special treats tO work/ schOOl and share them with others. ・ Let the person in the line wh0 is ⅲ a hurry be served before you. ・ Open the door for someone else and smile as YOt1 do it. ・ CIean out all your old clothes and give them away t0 people wh0 need them. ・ Help someone who is younger than you t0 d0 something that is difficult. 87

2 ス Forgiveness Everyone finds it hard to forgive someone who has done something that hurts you or something thought- less. lt is easy t0 go on thinking much t00 often about what it was they did to hurt you. D0ing so does not help you t0 get on with your life. lt does not help you to live your life ⅲ a happy way. The Other person might have hurt you once; but when you think about it over and over again, you hurt yourself again and again. Every time you think about it you relive the hurt. By reliving the pain in your mind over and over again, dO you not hurt yourself more Often than the other person hurt you in the first place? Le arn t0 forgive other people when you think they have hurt you or done something wrong to you. Also, learn to forgive yourself for things you have done wrong or could have done better. The past is gone and finished. If you have done some- thing wrong, learn from what you have done and try never to d0 it again. Forgive yourself and think about hOW you can be better in the future. 38

/ 2 ・ Try Something New When you are ready to move forward, try doing some- thing new or different in your life. Focus your mind on learning somethmg new; perhaps a musical instrument, a new skill, new sport or interest. Try something you always wanted tO dO but never got around tO dOing. "When I broke up with my boyfriend I started to play tennis. I always wanted to try this and never thought I had the time to spend on it. I really enjoyed it and found that I met many people at the practice sessions. lt really opened up my life for me again ・ ' Sook Breaking up with someone, whether after a month or a lifetime, can bring new chances and hope for you. 86

60. When You Think Too Much Sally is a woman wh0 worries t00 much. She said, "I really worry about small thlngs that happen. Sometimes these things have happened three days ago and I am still worrying about them. If my boyfriend does something that I don't like, I worry about it endlessly. ' Sally makes small thing into big things often. Some- thing small becomes something big because she has thought t00 much about it for three days. Do you think t00 much about the past and then that becomes a vvorry? Are YOLI an over-worrier? Some people think about something that happened yesterday and this turns tO worry about what they said or didn't say, or could have said tO their partner. The key is to let go of thoughts about the past and live in present time. Just remind yourself what you are dOing now. You may be sitting in a chair or in a train or at work or sitfing at home; wherever you are right now is important. Try tO bring yourself back tO what is happening at this moment. Thinking about the past and trying to change some- thing that has already passed is a very hard way t0 treat yourself. NO one can change the past. Let go 0f what you said or did yesterday and 100k at where and what you are doing right now.

Fate is often a word used to explain something that has happened that seems tO be out Of your control. Fate is the idea of something happening that is bigger or better than your own free will. Some people leave their wh01e lives up t0 fate and some leave their love lives up tO fate... Others believe they control their lives through free will. Get to know which Of these two you use and trust. Tuck, a young woman ⅲ her 20 ' s, talked about fate and her boyfriend. "When I met him, I knew it was fate. I wasn't meant tO be at the bus stop. lt wasn't a bus stop I had ever been to before. I was there because I was late and a friend dropped me there to catch my bus and I started talking tO this man because he was waiting for a bus there also. SO I met my boyfriend because of fate, SO the relationship must have been meant tO happen. Fate can be things happening that are out 0f the ordi- nary or happy accidents or something that seems really unusual. These things that are called fate can lead t0 happy relationships sometimes, sometimes not. Fate may draw you together in the first place, but your free will tO act and react in certain ways will be what keeps you together. 15

49. Love Can Be AII That You Hope For Section 5. Throughout lt AII 55. Don't HoId Back Your Love 67 54. Moving Forward 66 53. Dealing With Difficult Times 65 52. Teach Each Other 64 51. Move Past Anger 63 50. Learn From Everything 62 60 ・ 61 56. Trying To PIease Everyone Doesn't Work 68 57. No-one Stays The Same 69 58. Stay Connected To Your Feelings 70 59. When You Decide To Act On Your Feelings 71 60. When You Think T00 Much 72 61. Don't Try To Change The Other Person 73 62. Don't Put Others Before Yourself 74 63. Have Energy For YourseIf 64. Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust 65. Be Careful How PeopIe TaIk To You 77 Section 6. When Love ls Over ・ 66. Freedom Of Choice 80 67. Know When To Leave 81 68. Stop Blaming 82 69. When Things Are Finally Over 83 70. The Steps Of Grief 84 71. Look To The Future With Hope 85 72. Try Something New 86 73. Do Something Kind For Someone Else 87

Be Careful How People Talk To You Have you ever walked away from a friend and felt badly? FeIt like something the other person did or said wasn't nice or didn't feel right? Sometimes friendships change and your friends may not have your best inter- ests at heart. They may feeljealous of what you have. Trust that feeling of something not being right if you feel it about a friend. Sometimes you have to let go 0f a past friendship because it is not healthy for you anymore. "I loved my school friend Sak, but she was so jealous of my life with my boyfriend and my job. We just didn't have any fun together. I miss her but I had to stop seeing her as it was poisoning my life. lt was just not nice tO be With her any more, She was becoming SO cruel. ′ Lucy 77

/ 4 ・ How You See Yourself Are you kind t0 yourself when you think about your body, or are you unkind to yourself about your body and how you 100k ? Do you like the way you 100k or do you think you should be taller or prettier or thinner or have a dif- ferent—looking body? If you don't like yourself now because 0f the way you look, you may not like yourself any better if you were able to change. Learn to like all the good things about yourself, now. Think about all the things about yourself that you like and learn to like yourself as you are right now. Change what you can change, but accept who and what you are right now. If you d0 want to change something about yourself, start with something you can change like your weight, hair style or color, general look, or eating habits. Set small goals for the things you can change, as well as liking yourself as you are right now. 90