Don't Try To Change The Other Person Many people start a relationship thinking they can fix someone else a vvay they want them to be. This does not work. Don't ever believe that asking someone to change will make them change; it won't. If someone else is ready to change, they will change because they want to, not because someone else has asked them tO dO it. People do not change because you ask them to. people change because their life is such that they have to change because what they are doing is so uncomfort- able or hurtful to them that they have to find a better way tO dO it. Love and accept your partner. Change the things about yourself you can change and love and accept them as they are.

5 & Stay Connected To Your FeeIings Throughout your relationship stay connected to your feelings. Take notice and think about your feelings without being hurt or upset. Your feelings will always help you to understand what is happening in your world and ⅲ your relationship. They are very useful in telling you if something is or isn't right. They can connect you to what is happening for you and what is happening around you. Sit gently with these feelings and carefully listen to them. Sometimes you will decide tO act upon them, sometimes you will just notice them and feel kindness to yourself for feeling them and then let them go. 70

50 ・ Learn From Everything Happy and positive events in your life make your soul strong and happy; negative and difficult events allow you to think about the way to do things and how you could d0 them differently next time. Negative and difficult events can also make your soul stronger. You learn the most from events that are the most difficult for you. You learn the least from those that are least difficult. When things happen to you that are positive or happy, you will enjoy them but do you think about them? Do you think about what caused them or have led them to you? Do you think through what you might learn from those events? When things happen that make you unhappy or nega- tive, you have an important choice. You can either be angry or you can think about what you might learn from them and how you might act differently in future. 62

Do Something Kind For Someone Else Taking the fo cus from yourself and thinking about others and how you can be kind to them allows your body to heal and to get better. Think about someone you know well or not so well and do something nice for them today. You can d0 it so that they know about it and can thank you or you can do it without them knowing where the good deed came fror 第一 . Here are some suggestions about hOW you can be kind to others: ・ Treat everyone you know as if they are part of your family. ・ Take some special treats tO work/ schOOl and share them with others. ・ Let the person in the line wh0 is ⅲ a hurry be served before you. ・ Open the door for someone else and smile as YOt1 do it. ・ CIean out all your old clothes and give them away t0 people wh0 need them. ・ Help someone who is younger than you t0 d0 something that is difficult. 87

30 ・ Show Compassion Compassion iS showing care and kindness tO another person rather than being hard or distant and judging others ⅲ a hard way. lt shows that you have a kind heart. Compassion for another person is finding the strength tO care about them even when they have done something wrong, bad, or hurtful without thinking of you or Of Others. Compassion guides you tO listen tO the other person and discuss their problems. Listening and really hearing can help you to understand them and to think kindly of them. Don' t try to help them to find an an- swer t0 their problem; only they can do that. Listening with your heart open is the valuable thing t0 d0 for them and for you. Compassion is also about being kind to yourself as well as being kind to the other person. 41

Distance Yourself From Friends You Cannot Trust If you feel that a friend is not true or honest with you or does not share your values, talk with them first and try to clear things up between you. If they continue t0 be dishonest and not supportive Of your values, you can make the decision not tO spend time with them. You can d0 this quietly without making trouble. If you hold on t0 a friendship when you cannot trust that friend, you are likely to bring harm and pain t0 yourself. You may think that you should accept them as they are and give them another chance, but tO d0 SO will lessen your self-esteem and can invite trouble and hard times tO you. If they are being dishonest or your trust and friend- ship is not returned, your spirit will feel that the relationship is not fair tO you. Your self-esteem will be lessened. Your friendship with Others whO are truer tO you may also be lessened. You need tO distance yourself from Others whO are not trustworthy. 76

36. Let Go Of Control Most people d0 not like being told what t0 d0. When you tell someone what t0 d0 you may be trying t0 control them rather than w anting the best for them. Controlling another person' s actions and thoughts by trying to get them t0 act or think differently will not be successful ⅲ the long term. When one person tries tO control the Other, this makes a problem in the relationship. One person will be unhappy that the other person will not do what they ask and the other person will be unhappy that they are not trusted t0 make good choices. Ask for the things you need in a relationship without trying tO control what the Other person says or does. This way, if the person does what you ask, they d0 it because they are free tO dO it, not because you are trying tO control their actions and thoughts. lt is not possible tO control another person; if you try, you will make them and yourself very unhappy ・ 47

2 & Goals With Regard To Your Partner's Parents And Family Having a relationship with one special person does not mean that the relationship is with that one person alone. They may have p arents, brothers and sisters and Other family. lt is unusual tO have a relationship without contact with your partner's family. Keep ⅲ your mind that your partner's family has had a long relationship with him. They will know each other well and will have ways of talking with each other and doing things with each other. Remember also that they have their own ways to show their love for each other. DO not feel strange or alone when you are with his family. Sometimes you may even think that they don't want you in their lives or the life Of their son. Remember that they love him and want what they feel will be the best for him. Try t0 understand them. Listen t0 them carefully and ask them questions SO you may come tO know them better. DO not feel that you need tO own your partner and keep him apart from his family; show that you are happy to share him with his family. 39

19 ・ Understand Each Other Everyone is different. There are no two people wh0 have the same likes or the same dislikes. Each person has had their own life which is different from everyone else's. Your partner or boyfriend will probably have had a very different life than you. Sometimes that is just the thing that brings you together in the first place. The only way you can learn to understand about another person is tO ask them about themselves and tO really listen to them when they tell you. Try t0 picture what their life has been like and understand where they have come from. When you listen tO someone with all your attention you will understand them bet- ter and they will respect you more. They in turn may listen tO you more when you choose tO speak. 0 28 0 0

Don't Rush Love When you rush into a rel ationship it can blind you to the other person as they really are and you may lose contact with your own feelings and values. Everyone needs time to think about their own needs and about what the other person is really like and t0 get t0 know them. Find out about the other person—the things they think are important tO them, the things they love and hate, like and dislike. Put your feelings on hold until you have worked out more about them. lt can be hard tO dO this because passion and love can be very strong and you may not want to go slowly. You may not see everything there is about the Other person. lt is very important tO balance passion with getting tO know the other person. 25