9 ・ Free Will Free will is your ability to make a decision by yourself for yourself. When you use free will you choose to do something, or not dO something, because Of your own thoughts and experiences. The difference between animals and humans is a human's ability tO make decisions and use their free will t0 choose the best thing to do at any moment. DO you use your own free will ⅲ your relationships? DO YOLI listen tO your experience, your wisdom, your understanding 0f things and trust yourself to make the right decisions for your life? When you listen, your own inner thoughts and feelings guide you t0 know the very best thing for you to do. Using free will is like exercising your body. If you don't exercise your body you will lose some 0f your strength and it may not work as well as it could. Free will needs t0 be used every day for it to be a strength in your life. Use it every day. 14

40 ・ Touch Your Partner Often One of the things that babies and children value very much is the sense Of touch. Being touched is important to them and t0 their sense 0f well-being and safety. As you grow up, this wonderful part 0f your life—touch- ing, and being touched—may not happen as much. Somehow we get the ide a it' s not OK for grown-up people t0 touch so much. Touch your partner often. A gentle touch on the arm or a soft touch t0 the face is friendly; it talks t0 b0th 0f you about your love and helps your well-being. H01d hands. Sit close when watching TV or when you are both sitting reading together. You may not be aware of how much a gentle touch can help you build your love for each 0ther. Your heart will recognize this touch and it will add to building a loving relationship. 51

100. Success Starts With You Success in a relationship depends on the way you think and care about yourself as well as how you think and care about the Other person. A positive attitude about yourself is one Of the most important things you can bring into your relationship. When you feel good about yourself you can then add something strong and valuable to a relationship. Being happy and loving to yourself as well as the other person makes you a more balanced, happy person. When you like yourself and have a strong feeling of care and thought for yourself, you will have more care and thought for the other person as well. 116

Understand Yourself First Take time to understand yourself first. Most women don't think their own needs and feelings are important. lt takes time and effort to get to know yourself well. Think about what you want and how you feel. Take care that you dO not let your thoughts and actions about another person pull you ahead of getting to know yourself first. The more you know and like your- self, the more chance the relationship has of success. Your partner will want tO get tO know whO you are, SO it is important tO have taken the time tO work that out and tO be clear about whO you are and what you want. When you share this with another person they will be meeting the real you, the true you. 13

21. Build Trust Trust between two people can grow; it can grow as you get tO know each Other better and as you learn how to talk together about difficult things that happen. Talking through events that have happened which are harder for you to deal with builds trust between people. lt is sometimes natural tO try to hide some things from your partner. You might want to keep thmgs from your partner that you think might make you look bad or ShOW you tO be weak or unable tO make choices or plans. You will lessen your partner's trust if you hide these things from him. Your partner will know either ⅲ his mind or in his heart that you are keeping some important things from him and this will take away his trust. Build trust by being open with your partner about the things that are hard for you to share, as well as the things that are easy to share. Make a habit also of listening to him about the things that are hard for him to deal with. 30

2 & Goals With Regard To Your Partner's Parents And Family Having a relationship with one special person does not mean that the relationship is with that one person alone. They may have p arents, brothers and sisters and Other family. lt is unusual tO have a relationship without contact with your partner's family. Keep ⅲ your mind that your partner's family has had a long relationship with him. They will know each other well and will have ways of talking with each other and doing things with each other. Remember also that they have their own ways to show their love for each other. DO not feel strange or alone when you are with his family. Sometimes you may even think that they don't want you in their lives or the life Of their son. Remember that they love him and want what they feel will be the best for him. Try t0 understand them. Listen t0 them carefully and ask them questions SO you may come tO know them better. DO not feel that you need tO own your partner and keep him apart from his family; show that you are happy to share him with his family. 39

Don't Put Others Before Yourself DO you care for yourself wel し or d0 you see the other person's needs as 1 れ ore important your When you care for yourself and begin from strength you Will have 1 れ ore energy tO care for another person ⅲ a relationship. Caring for yourself well is strength, not weakness. Just because you could dO SO much for another person doesn't mean you should. You must keep some energy for yourself. Sometimes caring for yourself means say- ing tO someone YOLI love. "Your first love needs t0 be 0f self. Without that you have very little to give. " Jenny

89. Nurture A Healthy Self-image Your self-image is how you see yourself. This is dif- ferent from how you feel about yourself, which is self- esteem. ls your self-view real about the whole 0f you —your skills at work, how you 100k , your relationship skills, your energy, your goals, your friendliness and your compassion? To help you develop a realistic self-image, write two lists. Write one with your strengths (things you are good (t) and one with your weaknesses (things you would like t0 change or d0 better). When you start, the weaknesses list is likely to be longer than the strengths. When you really think about yourself you will be surprised t0 find that there are so many strengths, so many good things about you. Don't overlook things you might think are small; it is strength t0 be able t0 d0 your work well, keep your home ⅲ good order, tO be a good friend tO someone' tO be kind to a pet, t0 tell the truth. Think about these strengths every day as this builds a healthy and realistic self-image that will help you to feel good about yourself. 105

94 ・ When You Are On Your Own You Can Learn And Grow lt's OK if you are alone at the moment, if you are not ⅲ a relationship. Whether it is for a short time or a lifetime, it can provide a great space for you tO learn and grow. Being on your own for some time may well be just the right thing for you to give you the chance t0 think about what you really want and wh0 you really are. Ⅱ you have been hurt before, being on your own can heal you and help you t0 feel strong again ・ Trust yourself if you are on your own and you will learn and grow as a person. 110

56. Trying To Please Everyone Doesn't Work Everyone iS busy in their work and Ⅵ , 01 れ en can find it hard tO please everyone in their lives. Doing your work well, having a happy relationship, relaxing and spending time with friends and family are hard to do all at once. Sometimes all this can lead to stress. You cannot please everyone. lt is best to have some very clear thoughts about what you want for yourself and follow these, rather than trying to be all things to everyone and trying to make everyone happy ・ Remember to listen to your own beliefs and values and follow these. Work out what you believe in and follow that every day. If you do this you will be less stressed and a happier, more honest person. 68