90 Lucy in the Mind 0f Lennon emotional content and is Of the sort that people Often use when they are trying [ 0 protect and distance themselves 伝 01 れ the here and now,. Although the man has 、 vritten about hiS emotions in past songs without using such distanced language, at this par- ticular point in time he is struggling with memories and feelings about his mother and her death, and his long-entrenched strategy for avoiding these concerns emerges. AS such, in the song's lyrics that he previously used when he had explicitly described hiding from his feelings and being fake, and he writes thelyrics in a style that helps him evade the strong feelings about his mother that he has not yet been able [ 0 resolve. Despite these efforts, the diffculties ofthe past few months and the lure of the boy's drawing will have given such strength to the underlying memories and feelings about his mother and her death that the man also finds himself drawn to words he had previously used in songs concerning the IOSS Of relationships and a desire for union. S01 れ e Ofthe words he uses in the lyrics will reflect the ambiv- alence he feels about , 01 れ en , given the way his mother sometimes loved him but at other times ignored and abandoned him. Other words will reflect the loneliness and depression with which he has long struggled. And ⅵⅡ other words will be connected in his mind with the idea ofdeath. And as the man sets his lyrics tO music, his mind will gravitate toward the same kind Of sounds, musical structures, and musi- cal phrases that he had heard, sung, and played on his piano and guitar when he had previously written about the kind ofthemes that were occupying his mind while writing this song ・ As such, he chooses a key signature, background chord progressions, and
102 Lucy in the Mind of Lennon ) 召んお takes this progress even further. Although the song is typically described as Lennons attemptto parody the "white blues" fad that was sweeping England in thelate 1960S , a linelike "Yes l'm lonely, wanna die" expressed well Lennon s experience of"feeling suicidal" while he was in lndia. ln the context of these themes of loneliness, depression, and death, Lennon directly mentioned hiS own mother in the third verse: "My mother was ofthe s い . " N0t only does this line of ) んお connect "Lucy" and "my mother" via ない : ' but it occurs at a critical musical Juncture in the song. Recall that in 工〃ワ切ど Sky 肥勗の the time signature changes 丘 om 3 / 4 to 4 / 4 ; this transition happens between thelyrical phrase "and she's gone" and the repeated refrain "Lucy in the sky with diamonds. '' ln ) 召ん , the underlying rhythm also seems to shift mid-song, in the very midst ofthe line "My mother was ofthe sky. Where ) おんお pounds with pain and death, , the other song WhiCh mentions hiS mother that Lennon started writing while he was in lndia, is so 丘 , gentle, and comforting. But the musi- cal and lyrical connections with カ〃切坊ど Sky 坊の 0 〃 remain. For example, as he had done in the earlier song about LIICY, Lennon sang a repeated note multiple times in the first sev- eral measures Of. ノ〃ん . He aISO mentioned Julia" the context Of many Of the same images surrounding "Lucy," including the a "smile," a "cloud," and, most compellingly, "sky ・ Late— 1968 through Early— 1970 Lennon and Cynthia returned 丘 om lndia in mid-April 1968 , disillusioned after the Maharishi was accused of making sexual
100 Lucy in the Mind of Lennon which he kept by his bedside for months. lhen sometime in the early part of 1967 , Lennon invited her to lunch with him and Cynthia attheir home to discuss the possibility ofbuilding a light- house 崘 ko had imaginatively described in her writings ・ Accounts vary 伝 01 れ this point. S01 れ e suggest that Lennon and Yoko had sex within three weeks ofmeeting, that ko often turned up at Lennon's home, and thatshe bombarded him with frequent notes stating things such as "Breathe" or "WatCh the lights until dawn. " Other accounts suggest that it は S not until the 日 1 0 日 967 that Lennon attempted to seduce 崘 ko (when she refused, apparently). Certainly by then, however, they had inter- acted enough that Lennon was willing to provide the financial backing for one ofher artshows, albeit anonymously. What seems certain is that by early 1968 Lennon was deeply emotionally involved with ko. For example, one time when she returned tO London after having traveled tO PariS without telling him, ko found dozens ofletters 伝 om Lennon awaiting her. And when Lennon was making plans to visit lndia in February of 1968 with Cynthia and the other Beatles, he initially invited ko to jOin his retinue before deciding that it 、 vas not feasible. Lennon separated himself 丘 om ko [ 0 visit lndia at the behest of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the founder oftranscen- dental meditation. Lennon had first encountered the Maharishi in August 。日 967 , and had actually been at a retreatled by the guru when Epstein died. As the months passed, Lennon and the other Beatles remained interested in the possibilities Of enlightenment, happiness, and peace promised by the process oflosing one s ego through meditation. That February they ん 16 Ⅱ ed their promise [ 0 come study with the Maharishi at his ashram/resort in northern
Lucy in the Mind 0f Lennon 72 he awoke alone in a dark room and called for her in vain. He was taken fror れ his mother's home tO live with an aunt and uncle, and then, after a few months, yanked back to his mother's home, where he soon found her liVing With a new and sometimes ViOlent 1 れ an. soon aåer that, he was again separated 伝 0n1 his mother when his father took him to the beach resort. lhen, after being forced to make a ChOice between his parents (a ChOice that no five-year 01d has the cognitive or emotionalcapacity [ 0 make), he paid the price ofa seemingly permanen い eparation 丘 om his father, who le 丘 his life entirely for years. And on the heels of this abandonment, the mother he ん 4 イ chosen to stay with gave him up yet again, this time for years. Essentially, the near-constant refrain ofLennon's first five years was union fO Ⅱ 0 ℃ d by separation, a style Ofcare that is proto- typical Ofthe disruptions in parenting consistency that are kno 、 [ 0 create anxious-ambivalent attachment styles in children. Beliefs about others and themselves that children derive from their earliest experiences dO not disappear as they age, according to attachment theory, but become part and parcel of their devel- oping personalities, even intO adulthood. it is possible tO provide further evidence that Lennon may have developed an anxious-ambivalent style Of attachment by considering the extent [ 0 which he exhibited the various features that research has shown characterize such individuals. Generally speaking, the match is strong. For example, children with this attachment style are likely to be angrier and behave more aggressively than children with the Other tWO primary attachment styles. Lennon clearly acted out physically and verbally throughout his childhood and adolescence. Research has also shown that the problems with self-esteem and
110 Lucy in the Mind of Lennon aptly described as "the voice of a dazed child. " Amidst repeti- tions Ofthe title phrase, Lennon bemoans hOW his mother's death caused "SO much pain" that he could "never ShO 、 M. '' ln these songs written for ん〃カ〃 0 〃 / 2 な 0 〃 0 召〃 Lennon S pain iS obvious, hiS past attempts tO suppress hiS pain are acknowledged, and the events that caused "SO much pain are explicitly described. %ere is almost no need for the psycho- biographical methods that were required to decipher and decode カ〃ヮ切坊ど Sky ル勗の 0 〃ム for by the fall of 1970 Lennon had become able to express fully his feelings about his childhood, his mother, and her death. Rather than using the kind of emotion- ally distanced linguistic devices that SO characterized カ〃ワ / 〃ーんど をアル / ん 1 ) / 7 〃 0 〃イ , Lennon no 、 wrote hiS songs in an emotion- ally immediate way: 1 れ OSt Ofthe words are short, the pronouns are primarily first person singular, the verbs are mostly in the present tense, and the negative affect iS prominent. ln these songs Lennon also relied less and less on the lyrical and musical idioms that had characterized カ〃ワ切ど Sky 曜勗の 0 〃法 and the other songs he had written that skirted around the issues Of IOSS, death, depression, and his mother. The songs on な 0 〃 0 召 4 〃イ con- tain no mother up in the sky, none Of the idealized imagery that surrounded her in ノ〃 / / れ , and no veiled allusions tO sadness and death connected only by chains Of associations. These songs alSO havelittle ⅲ the way of the complex time changes and chord pro- gressions that were present in earlier songs. lndeed, about the only striking musical similarity between カ〃ヮ切ど Sky の 0 〃 and the songs on ん〃カ〃 0 〃 / 臾 / 小 0 〃 0 召 4 〃イ is Lennon s use ofthe repeated three-note descent around which the melody of り財〃のイ is based.
94 Lucy in the Mind of Lennon feelings and that would weaken his typical means of coping with these feelings, Lennon " ould be expected to continue to write songs that refer tO his mother and tO the constellation Of ideas and feelings tha い urrounded her in his mind. Given that when he was writing カ〃ヮ切功ど Sky ル / 坊 D 0 〃法 , Lennon appeared [ 0 have been quite wary ofdeeply exploring and explicitly expressing these concerns, this tendency toward expression should be quite tentative, at best. On the Other hand, [ 0 the extent that the circum- stances ofLennon's li changed SO as tO encourage a return [ 0 hiS typical approach ofsuppressing hiS expression Ofthese concerns, a drop in references [ 0 his mother should be notable. lhe Last HaIfof 1967 ln the months soon after the BeatIes completed their recording ofthe songs for the /. 2 孕カ 0 〃み〃ホ Club ル〃イ album, circum- stances in Lennon's li 応 seem tO have continued tO support further exploration ofhis feelings about his mother and her death. Two sets ofevents 丘 om the summer 0 日 967 are particularly noteworthy. First, Lennon continued his frequent ingestion Of LSD ; S01 れ e have suggested that he was almost constantly tripping during this period ofhis li 庇 . As described in chapter 6 , research suggests that Lennon's heavy use ofthis drug would likely have weakened his defenses further and increased the accessibility of the deep, emo- tional, psychological material that seems to have begun t0 be expressed in カ〃ヮ切坊ど Sky 〃ツの . Second, the Beatles' manager Brian Epstein died in August of 1967 , probably from a drug overdose. WhiIe Epstein had been
R E C 甲 E F 0 R A S 0 N G egin With a man " hO has been carrying within him since hiS earliest years a particular set ofbeliefs about relationships. His experience with his parents throughout his childhood and adoles- cence taught this man that one cannot confidently rely on rela- tionships, as, for him, painful separation almost inevitably follows from union. At the same time that he holds these beliefs, this man has a more desperate yearning for connection With Other people than does the average person, needing relationships to help soothe him during the many times when he feels bad. And when his rela- tionships failto work well ⅲ this regard, he often turns [ 0 drugs as a means ofnumbing himselfand escaping from his reality. Add to the mix ofthese concerns a deep and abiding sense of IOSS from his mother's accidental death when he was a teenager, an event that reinforced his beliefs about relationships, given that it occurred not long aåer he had regained contact with her following years ofseparation. Ensure that between the norms of his culture, the stoicism and strange responses Of his extended family to his mother's death, and his own tough guy image, the man copes with his grief by continually pushing aside the sadness and anger he feels. Given his particular psychic struc- ture, these attempts at suppression ironically keep those feelings quite alive in his mind. 87
Lucy in the Mind 0f Lennon That Lennon's thoughts about his childhood were quite active in the 信Ⅱ。日 967 is furthersuggested by the factthat not long Epstein died, Lennon wrote a conciliatory letter [ 0 his father, Freddie, asking to see him again. Father and son had first been reunited in the spring of 1964 while the BeatIes were filming ノ〃 4 の愆ん . They next encountered each other in February of 1966 , when Freddie recorded a song ( 乃八入 0 カ ) that Lennon felt was an exploitation of his own fame. As they argued over this issue, Freddie angered Lennon further by describingJulia's cheating ways and suggesting thatshe had aban- doned the young Lennon tO Mimi. ln contrast [ 0 these earlier rocky reunions, conversations in the 信Ⅱ Of 1967 between Freddie and Lennon went SO well that Lennon invited his father tO move in with him. Freddie stayed all of three weeks before moving out, as he was ignored by his busy son and bored living more or less alone in an enormous house. Around the time when his father was temporarily back in his li 庇 , Lennon began working on another song, Cry おれり C リ . Here, for the very first time, Lennon explicitly used the word "mother" in the lyrics. And he did so both in the context ofmusical similarities to カ〃ワ切ど Sky ル勗の / 4 (using the key of G-major and another descending chord progression) and in an explicit lyrical connection with sadness:"Cry baby cry, make your mother sigh iS repeated five times in the song. Death is alSO alluded tO in the fourth verse where the children meet "for a séance in the dark. " A seance, or the attempt [ 0 contact the spirit Ofa dead person, would have been among Lennon S memories OfhiS mother's death. NigeI Walley (the friend who was with Julia moments before she was killed) told one of Lennon's biographers that a couple of months 98
97 T H E N EXT S 0 N G S Lennon suggested that his decision tO include policemen ⅲ the first line Of this stanza derived 丘 0n1 the repetitive t 、 vo-note police siren he had heard while sitting at the piano. Another biog- rapher suggested that Lennons combination of policemen" with Lucy in the sky" ⅲ this stanza is a reference to the "misinterpretation of カ〃ヮ切ど Sky ル / の 0 〃 as a code for LSD. " perhaps these suggestlons are correct. That said, one might still wonder whether Lennon had Other associations [ 0 policemen" that might have led him not only to mention them ⅲ / ノどー / 翔 5 , but to place them adj acentto "Lucy ⅲ thesky." CertainIy he would have had common associations [ 0 policemen" such as "authority," and "arrest. '' At a more idiosyncratic level, however, policemen" would likely have been part of Lennons memories ofJuIia's death, as the person who informed the teen-aged Lennon ofhis mother's accident は s a police offcer, as was the man who drove the car that killed her. This analysis might help explain the lines that immediately 応Ⅱ ow this lyrical collision between policemen" and "Lucy. '' ln the next four lines, Lennon sangthat he is "crying, explicitly expressing the sadness that was absent om カ〃ワ切ど Sky の . next verse commences With a gruesome image ()fdeath om a rhyme Lennon heard as a boy on the playground: YeIIOW matter custard, green slop pie AII mixed together with a dead dog's eye Thus, in only a few lines composed of images that Lennon claimed were almost randomly stuck together, he mentioned a female stand-in for his mother (Lucy), sadness, death, and the policemen connected tO bOth her death and his sadness.
THE MAN, HIS RECENT PAST, AND HIS SON'S 円 CTURE 65 His reunion with JuIia did not last long, as within weeks the young Lennon had moved into the quiet middle-class home ofhis childless Aunt 、石 1 れ i. Explanations ofthis event vary,. S01 れ e stories suggest that Julia willingly handed her son over [ 0 Mimi; others portray the change as being brought on by child-welfare offcials disturbed by the boy's home situation; and still others claim that Mimi essentially stole Lennon afterJuIia came to her home b100d - ied 丘 om a beating by Dykins. Whatever combination of events actually occurred, Lennon spent the bulk of his childhood and adolescence living with his stern and structured Aunt Mimi and his passive but affable Uncle George. Aunt Mimi did her best to instill middle-class behaviors and ideals intO her young charge, insisting on regular meals and baths, as well as proper manners. She also exposed him to classi- cal music, religion, and a library ofBritish literature, including the Lewis Carroll books thatlater helped inspire カ 4 ヮ切坊ど Sky ル勗 の and other songs. While he did take in some of what Mimi tried tO teach him, Lennon S mischievous sometimes aggressive streak still emerged in SChOOl and in hiS romps around the neighborhood with friends. He picked up the habits oftres- passing and shopliåing, as ℃Ⅱ as an acerbic, sometimes ViCious, tongue. He was in almost constant trouble at SChOOl for various offenses, Oåen for cutting classes. And as he entered his teen years, he discovered bo 市 sex and popular music. Lennon's burgeoning love for Elvis Presley, Little Richard, and other singers of the early rock-and-roll era was scorned by Aunt Mimi bu い upported by his mother. 市 ile he had seen relatively little ofJulia in the years after he moved in with Mimi and George,